WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

You still talk to her too much. You've got to do something drastic to shake her out of it. Look how many times you say you chit chat with her. There is and should not be any chit chat. Just the facts. Check out JoshuaRoberts' thread.

Stuck,

I really struggle with going extreme dark. I'm trying to detach/drop the rope as I think that seems to have more of a reaction from her. It seems to peak her "interest" whenever I'm out when she calls or whatever.

I had tried the dark (not calling/responding, except to specific questions as it relates to the kids), but I did it badly as when we were together I was a cold jerk.

So right now, I am trying dark where I don't initiate calls/contact. I do respond (not to everything, but to about 50%) and am friendly when I do that. I had some backslides where we wound up on our old relationship talks, but I'm gathering focus to stop those talks by saying how we don't resolve anything when we just go around in circles. Unless she wants to talk about how to work on what was the problem, I don't want to waste my breathe talking about the same old stuff.

With kids, I can't be completely dark (as you know). Particularly as we have soccer twice a week now so we go to those together. Also, since I've lost my job, she drops the kids off to me a couple of times/week.

When I see her, I try to be the best CIPA I can be and maintain a friendship approach. I'm trying to avoid slipping into any pursuit type of behaviors.

I have noticed over the last couple of weeks where I've been on the friendly approach, she seems much more relaxed and seems to joke around more often. She even jokes sexually sometimes. I do agreem with Tomato, I think this is a good thing. Even last nite at the ER she did that. And during dinner today, she joked about it.

So is it working/helping or just enabling? Unfortunately, I'm too much a DAM to tell the difference.

Hope your situation is recovering and moving to a better place.

Best of luck to you and thanks for taking the time to check in on me.