I re-read my last few posts and realized that my thoughts are revolving too much around him. This is the hardest part for me and I have bits of time when I have been totally focused on me, but this is something I still need to conquer.
I printed out a month calender for July. My mission this month is to NOT initiate any communication.
He can call when he wants....he wants to meet up in September, so...who knows what that is about or if it will happen...but, he initiated that meet.
It is difficult to really focus on myself. When i come home its depressing that its an empty house. I leave at 630 am and dont come back till 7 pm or so. I am exhausted, usually spend another hour doing work, and still find myself thinking about him. I need to put the focus back on myself. I think maybe I just need to get back to the basics.
For one if I am bored with our conversations........as I am many times, i am just going to say that to him....I think we both need to get some interests in life that are new...and talk about our quirky observations in life.....I don't know...still working on this one.
Otherwise....goals for this month.
1. no initiation of contact 2. keep to the "give half of what he does -whether its emails/conversations/texts etc....
3. FOCUS ON MY OWN IMPROVEMENT....even if that means focusing on this new job! I need to do that anyways....
4. I need to eat well and look good...this past 2 weeks I think I have put on 5 lbs...I need to get back to taking care of myself inside and out.
I am going to have to care for myself. I have always been a care taker and its so hard to turn that around and care for myself. But dammit, I am going to try and try again. That's all I can do.
I feel like Im in a good place today. I feel more focused today and that is one step forward.
