First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Sandi, thanks for the comforting words. I tried and tried and tried to get her to go to counseling but she has always refused. We went to a family counsler on two seperate occasions for about three weeks each but she quit before we could ever get anywhere. From day one she was anti medication. She still has old fashioned stigmas about therapy and thinks that only "crazy" people need medication. She keeps saying that there is no "magic" pill that can make things better. I have tried to do everything that I know to do to help her. But no matter what, I always turn out to be the enemy.

I have sacrificed so much for her, our family and our marriage that at times I feel like I am going to go crazy. Up until recently I was a minister but stepped down from my position so that I could spend more time with my family.

Divorce is not an option for me. Because of my religious beliefs adultery is the only grounds for divorce. And I have no proof of that. And I doubt that she would do it. I don't think that she could if she wanted too. But I have to admit this, and I hate to say it but at times I wish that she would have an affair then I could end this. But I doubt that would happen.

I also feel guilty about the thought of leaving because I deeply love her and know that she is sick and needs help. And I would hate for her to leave me if I were sick and needed help. So I have resolved in my heart to do all that I can for her and the kids and put the rest in God's hands. I know that without his help I would never has progressed this far.

At the same time I have to live my life and take care of the kids also. So I can't let her just do whatever she wants. Sometimes I just wish that she would leave like she keeps threatening to do. I don't need her here to be miserable. I can be miserable all on my own. But I don't think that she will leave any time soon because she can't afford it. So I am trying to apply DR principles and hope that between God's help and basic DB steps something will click and she will see that I am not her enemy, that I only want whats best for her and our family.

Because of all the depression and psychological problems in my marriage I don't know if I should alter the DB principles or go by the book. I really don't know what to do. I just pray a lot and do what I think is right.