Yay!!!!! Finally a new thread.

[AlexEN]

A&K,

I think you are doing much better than you think you are doing... My guess is a lot of us see it that way; it's hard not to be hard on yourself when the WAS is taking on no responsibility at all. I wrote letters to my kids from the future quite some time ago and shared them with my brother and sister. Independently, they each said to me: "Why are you carrying all of the guilt?". And it occurred to me that there is guilt to be felt because our failures to each other meant we had failed our kids (@Smiley said something similar one time, only much better) BUT W carried NO guilt; as a result, I think I carried that much more although from the outside looking in, as in your situation, any objective third party would say if anything, I/you should bear at MOST 50% of the blame given the trangressions of our WAS. So, I like what @GIMA is saying, own up to your half of the situation, but don't accept even that much of the blame. And I'm starting to see in your H what I finally just realized about W... They each have NO clue and can't see beyond their own shadows...

It will become much easier on you as you shed some of the blame you feel; realize it ISN'T you... I also think that will start to pave the path to detachment...

-A