sounds as if you have a plan for now. See the bkrupty L, gather facts and poss tell your L to tell stbxw's L the info...
You are Still in data gathering mode though. No choices due today, except making a call to the L for the appt. Do that and let us know what happens. (( )) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Beginnersmind asked me to stop over because I too am going through a bankruptcy and D. I can't give a lot of advice because I live in a different state and I am definitely not the expert, but I can tell you that the order in which you take certain steps can make a HUGE difference on how things will come out financially for you in the end.
For example, at one point I was all ready to file for D in order to protect myself because my L was afraid if H filed for bankruptcy, I might have a hard time getting "maintenance" and thus would loose my house. I was literally on the phone to my H telling him my L was going to file the next day when the bankruptcy lawyer called me back to say that if I got "maintenance" then I would be over the income requirements for qualifying for Chapter 7 and would have to go with Chapter 13.
Before that, I had a different bankruptcy lawyer advise me to just file for Chapter 7 and drop the house and everything and "just start over" and "count it as a 28 year learning experience".
I won't go into detail, but by finding the right lawyer(s) and being able to work with my them together (and with my H present too) made all the difference. Now, as it turns out I am after all filing for Chapter 13 (which in fact DOES relieve you of debt, although not ALL debt). I will be able to keep my home and actually come out pretty well financially when all is said and done. Yes, the bankruptcy will be on my record (which is a tough pill to swallow when before this we had stellar credit and were never late on a payment.....not once!!).
BUT, I have spoken to several people who have gone through bankruptcy and found that contrary to popular belief, it is not all that difficult to get credit after a bankruptcy. In fact, about a year after the bankruptcy, it seems that everybody and his brother wants to loan money because you are legally barred from filing bankruptcy again for a period of time, so to many creditors, a person who has gone through a bankruptcy is "golden". Yes, you may have to pay some higher rates of interest at first until you "re-establish" your credit, but that's not a terrible price to pay to get out from under the crushing burden that massive debt can have.
My best advice is to sit down with BOTH your D lawyer and the best bankruptcy lawyer you can find and discuss the options. As I said, the order in which you do things can make all the difference. And 30 days is NOT very long when it comes bankruptcy. It takes some time to get all the paperwork together (lists of assets......in minute detail! ).
Take care, FIB!
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
SC...GREAT ADVICE...I have heard similarly. It actually may not be a bad decision, but, yes...I need to get info first. Will post back. I have the name of an L.
Like you SC, I paid for the 20% down on my house by check (cash)....I had stellar credit...never owed anyone anything....even refinanced and got a HELOC last 11/07 without difficulty. As mulesqb said..."tough times don't last...tough people DO.". FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
One of my brothers div and declared bankruptcy and also is a L. It didn't help his career but he still got a great job at DOJ once he could show he was out of debt then. He was. (He's now at the SEC, so there. And yes, they all know his past.)
He remarried and they own a nice home now. So yeah, he did get credit again and in fact SC's summary is correct in that banks have a little more protection when you have already declared bankruptcy as you cannot ditch them to get out of paying, by declaring it a 2nd time.
Plus when you say "got a div" or "had no med ins but our kid got sick" are about the two biggest 'acceptable' reasons FOR a bankruptcy declaration there are. And as for your credit rating --- your credit has already taken hits and you are already suffering effects from that. So how much worse is this going to make it? At least you will have a few coins in your pocket. The overtime or extra call might be a tad more appealing if you can put a dollar in your own pocket.
Also, LOVED the "different" legal opinions SC encountered...what can I say? Get a 2nd opinion if the first one sounds too good/bad to be true. Somehow I think You'll know. ((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hi 25...I have an appt first thing Mon AM to discuss my sitch with a B atty.
On a 'brighter' note, I took my kids to the family C. The first time she met with STBXW and I....yesterday I took the kids. Next time STBXW takes them. After a bit...the C asked the kids to leave the room. When I tried to talk with her, she immediately said to me: "I see your W's anger and I will do what I can."
Wow...she DID she what transpired last week. She went on to say that "your children love your very much and you're a good father". She said she couldn't guarantee making much headway with STBXW but she would try. I told her that "I could do this"...meaning...make this a 'business' as she describes if....if she could help with the anger issues. I briefly reviewed some things to help her understand the anger: -how I tried for 17 months to save my M: "how could you when you didn't have a participating and supportive partner" she replied. Wow. -about STBXW's breakdown, going on 3 meds, after a 3rd indiscretion (I didn't give details and told the C that this didn't matter anymore)which led to me requesting full custody...that I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. Then how STBXW became punitive and vindictive including false police report -I told her...to show how difficult this was...how her father sued me in small claims court...when I was trying to keep a roof over HIS grandchildren's heads...and how all three..my MIL, FIL and STBXW sat across from me as if I was going to lie or something -how this whole process was so difficult..that I had to write things I never would have written EVER...that you get sucked into it...and how STBXW calls me a liar..that overall I respect her but realize and accept that we cannot have a healthy R together -and....how things appear differently to other people, i.e, eg, how STBXW accused me of signing the complaint and dating it on Valentine's day: in reality, I signed the paper...alone...in my office...oblivious to the date...with tears pouring down my eyes.
She was very supportive and I was RELIEVED that she saw STBXW's anger.
HER CRITICISM OF ME: I had to be less democratic with the kids. Ask what they want less and DECIDE more...and lower the boom more.
Yesterday....was a big step forward...for me..to hear this. I may reverse my take on her and, perhaps, she is better than I thought.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
realistically, that went about as well as it could. Bravo!! Whether she gets thru to your w or not, is only so important. The judge will know if the W stops going so, um, if she stops, fine...if the c gets thru, great. Either way you are in a better place.
Good news FIB, really good news. ((( ))) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
).