I'm not suggesting you rush into anything. You will know when you are ready for that.
Own up to your half of the reason for the situation (we are all half the reason), but there is another half out there that is NOT your fault.
I see you taking a lot (too much?) of the blame for this. I also sense you are having a hard time being nice to yourself (b/c of that?). It's easy to become the victim - and I would not blame you for it in your situation. That said, being teh victim doesn't hold anything good for you.
You can rise above this. It won't be easy, but you can do it. Just go easy on yourself.
