The reason I answered with that one simple word was b/c I was hoping to get your attention. "I" could have been like your W. It is a decision, a WW makes. Oh, yeah, I can call it MLC or a breakdown or whatever label I may choose to call it.....but the bottom line is "I chose to do what I did"!
Do you know that I wanted to leave my H who I had lived with many years......to move out to my own place so I could basically screw around? Now how's that for being plain? That is how bad my mind got. I'm not kidding you one bit and if only you knew how embarrassing it was for me to admit this trash.....then you would probably appreciate it more. I only tell you b/c I want to help inform you, if possible. I want you to understand a little better in order to prepare yourself for the truth of what may happen to your W, if she doesn't make a decision to turn around before it's too late.
I was in a very bad emotional place in my MR and had been for a long time. I never thought it possible that "I" would ever be tempted to flirt with another man. But in my careless attempts to fill in my times of "boredom".....I got into flirting with OM over the Internet. Trying to cut things down and make short here. I went crazy! I had been M at 18 and had never been with any other man before or since my H. Here I was flirting and carrying on like a stupid teenage girl. I had no attraction for my H whatsoever. And, futhermore, I had no respect for him--or I would not have done what I did right under his nose in his own house! When a W has an A, she doesn't respect her H at the time she does it. However, it is possible for her to gain "new" respect for him, but he must earn that from her.....she won't give it unless he earns it.
But all of my respect for my M and my H went right out the door. When he discovered my computer activity and confronted me, mad as a hornet.....I would not say a word. But, I PLANNED MY ESCAPE! Oh yes. I skimmed and planned how I could find my own apartment and have my own Internet/compter and play all I wanted to--as long as I wanted--with all the privacy in the world! No kids interupting me, no H to worry about.....none of that stuff. Are you sick to your stomach, yet? Well, it gets worse. But, I will spare you all the dirty details and just let you know that I never moved out but it was simply b/c I could not afford to support myself.
I might add that my H told me if I moved out there would be "no coming back" and that he "would not be friends with me". Well, that totally shocked me! I don't know why, but I just didn't preceive the idea of him never having "anything" to say to me again. He was very firm in his stand. I knew he meant every word. But still, I planned.
He gathered his proof of my computer activity and then he confronted me and made me delete all my male contacts on the computer. However, there was one that didn't delete and then I threw myself into an EA with that OM. I didn't even care about him, but it was the frame of mind I was in. I don't understand it, and I don't know how to explain it to you. But I know I chose to do what I did. I "wanted" to be in love with that man I didn't even know. I tried to convince myself that I loved him. I had a fantasy that was larger than New York City!
Anyway, I was trying to make this shorter and it's hard. But, I found an E-book called womens infidelity, and it told me everything I was going through, and futhermore, it told me what I could expect in the future--if I continued down that path. It scared the mess out of me. It was enough that I sought out more advise here on this board and stuck with it until I could break off with the OM and end the EA.
It basically told about what your W is headed for.......a downward spiral toward a life of sleeping with one man after the other. She will have a PA thinking that will bring her happiness and fulfillment. When that A fails, then she'll find another man and have another A. Then it will go from man to man until her emotional capasity is completely empty. You see, so much of a woman's soul is involved when she ML and she gives of herself in a way that is different than men. (I have heard doctors and theologians teach it, but I'm not equipped to explain it.) After she goes from man to man......it's like her soul/emotions are bankrupt and she can't feel anything. It's tragic. She is not capable of feeling sexual fulfillment or love like she did before she started that lifestyle. She's basically ruined herself.
That is why I anwered your post like I did. If your W is sexually addicted......she has some very serious problems and I don't think your love alone will hold her in the M. Wow, that's hard stuff to hear, isn't it? She needs help with her addiction problem just like any drug user would need. Please don't rely upon your own methods or even the DB techniques alone. I love DB and think it is wonderful for saving M's. However, there is an extreme problem here that needs more help. Yes, apply the DB principles, but if she won't try to get into therapy or get counseling from her Pastor/Priest.....some Professional on a regular basis.....then I can't honestly say that there is a lot of promise. I don't mean to bring you down, but I'm being "brutally" honest with you and I think that is what you would want me to do. I hope so, anyway.
Continue to receive support here, but remember that she is not a typical WAW. Her problems are "worse".
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
