Finally trying to move on without H

[antlers]

he said it,
hes not in love with me anymore.
now i cant stop crying.
i dont even want to exist anymore.
this is too painful.
too painful to handle

Hurting people say hurtful things...so do angry people. Don't believe anything he says right now.

[karen43]

i cant call a therapist because i dont have one yet.
i called earlier today to see if theyve assigned me one and not yet but they said theyd put in an urgent request so im hoping theyll call me soon.

So you've given your info to some kind of counseling or psychology office right? I think any reputable office if you call them (and they usually have an on-call person for after-hours) and you tell them your sitch and be honest about that, they would not make you wait a week or 2 to talk to someone. I think that's worth a try maybe? The worst that could happen is nothing, but you may be able to speak to someone on-call and I think that would be a good thing. Karen

[karen43]

Yep, antlers. My H told me horrible things at the start of this, when I used to allow him to. It was all bs. In fact, sometimes I think some of the stuff they say is actually about themselves, and projection and all that. Like a controlling person will tell you you're a control freak or whatever. You can't believe ANY of what they say, and only half what they do is a huge saying around here...And it's true. Karen

[beepee]

i know what you guys are saying.
but if i abide by the saying dont believe any of what they say and only half of what they do, then its still quite bad because well..what he did was walk out on me abruptly, wouldnt come see me when i was at the hospital, ignored me for awhile, wont contact me unless i contact him, wont see me, wont talk to me, wont answer most of my emails. half of that is still quite bad and doesnt give me much hope.

i tried calling one of those helplines before and i have to be honest, it doesnt really help..ive visited a therapist who was only getting a feel for my story and she's put in an urgent request for a therapist for me. when i called, i told the receptionist my sitch and that it was urgent and she said she would put a rush on it so im hoping she does and they can get me one soon. as of right now, the only thing that helps is posting here and getting support from you guys. i know i seem like im not taking any of your advice but please believe me, i am thinking about all of it and i know what i need to do in order to feel better, its just a matter of having the motivation to do so. im shattered to bits and i feel like i cant even pick up one of the pieces to start putting myself back together.

[karen43]

I think almost all of us here have had the same experiences. And I've seen several couples here reconcile as well. Some don't, but I've also seen some not want to reconcile when the WAS decides they made a huge mistake and decide to return to the M.

I do think, and maybe you would agree also, you haven't stopped pursuing him yet, and he still feels your pursuit. I think most times I've seen couples reconcile here, it's b/c the LBS was ready to move on, and let the WAS know that by their actions: filing for divorce, or whatever. That is something you can work on in the future.

But for now, I think your goal should be to work on your depression. I've been through that also, and until I got therapy and my meds kicked in (prob. about 2 to 4 weeks for me) it was very rough. Yes, everyone here helped too. If you feel as bad as you sound, I think it's an option to call the therapists' office and if you tell them your current sitch, I think either your former therapist or another which you'll be assigned to, would be able to talk to you on the phone.

If you need that, you deserve that, and just do it. This will make you a much stronger person. You will be happier in a short time esp. the more you work on detaching. Contact with the WAS from everyone I've seen posting here, including myself, is not good for you at this stage. I think they feel so bad about themselves they lash out at us and try to make it about us or our fault. And it isn't. Karen

[wolverine1997]

You gotta stop pursuing him. By chasing him you are pushing him further away and just re-inforcing and justifying in his mind that his reasons for leaving are legit. You have to show him that you are going to be alright with him or without him. Use this as a learning experience. Never put yourself in a situation to hear something that you are not sure that you want to hear. You wanted him to say it and now he has, do you feel better? No. So be careful of what you ask for. Learn from this, it will serve you well in the future if you do. But as other have said, do not believe all that he says right now.

Use this as motivation to GAL. Focus on you. Deal with the depression and become the person that you want to be. When you become the person that you want to be you won't worry so much about him and he no doubt will regret his decisions.

[beepee]

thanks guys,
i really really need to sit down alone somewhere peaceful and really evaluate my behavior and thinking.
i just received 2 emails from him.
the first one started with this:

"I don't want you to leave me alone,
but I don't want you to also thing that there's a chance that we can work this out. I said to you before that this is broken, and like I said, not everything can be fixed"

there was a lot more in the email that really makes me sad and angry..should i say anything or should i just ignore it altogether? he still ends the email with i love you.. what should i do..??

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((beepee)))))

Ouch.....
First time I've stopped by, I'm sorry you are going through this!

Ignore his email. Anything you you say will not help right now. You need to focus on yourself, and use as little of your energy on him as you can.

You can do it!

[beepee]

hey VH:

thanks for your post and kind words.
unfortunately i sent him an email
it was short and simple.
just said that i know he doesnt want to be with me and i accept and that i dont want to respond to any of what he said in the email because its over and i dont want to go around in circles over and over again.
i hope thats not too bad..

[Virtually_Handsome]

It's not too bad... really!

But next time, just let it go. For now just concentrate on what is going to help you. That's all that matters right now. OK?