I think almost all of us here have had the same experiences. And I've seen several couples here reconcile as well. Some don't, but I've also seen some not want to reconcile when the WAS decides they made a huge mistake and decide to return to the M.
I do think, and maybe you would agree also, you haven't stopped pursuing him yet, and he still feels your pursuit. I think most times I've seen couples reconcile here, it's b/c the LBS was ready to move on, and let the WAS know that by their actions: filing for divorce, or whatever. That is something you can work on in the future.
But for now, I think your goal should be to work on your depression. I've been through that also, and until I got therapy and my meds kicked in (prob. about 2 to 4 weeks for me) it was very rough. Yes, everyone here helped too. If you feel as bad as you sound, I think it's an option to call the therapists' office and if you tell them your current sitch, I think either your former therapist or another which you'll be assigned to, would be able to talk to you on the phone.
If you need that, you deserve that, and just do it. This will make you a much stronger person. You will be happier in a short time esp. the more you work on detaching. Contact with the WAS from everyone I've seen posting here, including myself, is not good for you at this stage. I think they feel so bad about themselves they lash out at us and try to make it about us or our fault. And it isn't. Karen
