Finally trying to move on without H

[beepee]

i know what you guys are saying.
but if i abide by the saying dont believe any of what they say and only half of what they do, then its still quite bad because well..what he did was walk out on me abruptly, wouldnt come see me when i was at the hospital, ignored me for awhile, wont contact me unless i contact him, wont see me, wont talk to me, wont answer most of my emails. half of that is still quite bad and doesnt give me much hope.

i tried calling one of those helplines before and i have to be honest, it doesnt really help..ive visited a therapist who was only getting a feel for my story and she's put in an urgent request for a therapist for me. when i called, i told the receptionist my sitch and that it was urgent and she said she would put a rush on it so im hoping she does and they can get me one soon. as of right now, the only thing that helps is posting here and getting support from you guys. i know i seem like im not taking any of your advice but please believe me, i am thinking about all of it and i know what i need to do in order to feel better, its just a matter of having the motivation to do so. im shattered to bits and i feel like i cant even pick up one of the pieces to start putting myself back together.