How the hell does one find out? I won't snoop. Or should I stay with my gut of knowing this woman's core and knowing, somehow, in my gut, that she's just not having an A? Am I just borrowing non-existent trouble?
Sad to say, but you cannot judge by what her character has always been. You cannot judge by the woman you have always known. The reason is b/c that woman no longer lives in that body you see as your W. Those are very harsh words and I'm not wanting to see how badly I can hurt you. I am trying my best to make you realize that the WAW symptoms can happen to "any" woman at any age. I am proof of that. I think that was one of the main reasons that I got "away" with my EA as long as I did and was doing things right under my H's nose.....b/c he could not believe I would ever be that kind of woman! My character.....my personal moral standard.....my religious beliefs....the whole package was totally against the lifestyle I was living as an almost WAW in an EA. My H was more shocked than you probably would be to discover that about your W. So, I can't stress enough how wrong you probably are.
All WAW's are not involved with another man! Some may want to think about being single and dating, etc. Some just want to escape their "life" with their H. Simple as that! She can't take living with him any longer and wants out. So, your W may not be involved emotionally or physically with another man, however, the greatest percentage of the posts from LBH's on this board find out that their W is involved. Even in the beginning when they are told not to be surprised, they can't believe it.
If you insist in not looking for evidence of an A, then my suggestion would be to treat this "as if" she were in an EA, anyway. Would you do something different if you KNEW she was having an A? I think that might be what you need to think about. If you would not do anything different than you are now......well, I don't know, but I think it would be unusual for anyone to pretend it doesn't matter.
I don't know of of any way to find out for sure without getting evidence of an A, and how can you do that without snooping? If you are holding back b/c of integridy......you need to realize that "she" has no integridy if she's cheating on you. We can't tell you what to do. You have to decide.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
