Stuck- I'm not sure about the book with the alpha male behavior, although that IS what I need more of right now....at least in SOME ways. Guess I should just check out the book and see.

Sandi- SOrry it took me long to respond to your response. I read it right away, but just didn't have time until now to really respond well. Thank you so much for understanding.

I'm detaching from that friend. I'm making myself busy with other people now, too. My husband said the other night that he had always known that friend was bad but did nothing about it...didn't say anything, etc. He blames himself a lot for not doing things or saying things when he should have. I told him that it was my choice, and it was a bad one. You are very right that she will find someone else. She always does. She acts as if she really needs you, but if you don't respond quickly she has already called another person that she really needs. I do realize all of this. It's time.

It's nice to have someone understand the shame I feel. The guilt is slowly going, especially as those old frustrations of our marriage are coming back. It will always be there, though...the shame that is..

Yeah, I'm concerned about my sexual R with my H, too! You asked if he was like this before the A....the answer is yes. There were major issues in the sexual area.....it's why I am understanding more how I got to the place I did....Sex was lacking, something felt missing, made me feel ugly/undesired/unwomenly....etc. We talked last night, and I told him about the baby talk turn off, etc.

I like the fantasy idea, but I feel we are sooo not even close to something like that. Just normal sex with me feeling like he wants me would be nice at this point.

Our talk brought up the same stuff. Basically, our problem has become huge now. He wanted it to just get better, without doing anything, or talking about it, and it never did, so now he feels like it is this HUGE thing. Which it is, but still. There's a lot more to it, but I'm not comfortable disclosing it all here. Maybe I could move to the SSm forum or something or talk one on one to someone outside of a forum.

My OM feel good time is passed like you, but I do miss having someone that "wants" me sexually or desires me as a woman. I would love my H to do as GH31 did, and mean it. For him, it would feel like a fake.

Yoyo, thanks for your suggestion. My H knows the kind of love I want. We've watched those movies, I've told him...the issue is that he can't seem to cross the wall. He has one, and I've built up a self-preservation one as well.

The result of the talk was us staying up late and me getting a huge headache, and him saying that he is going to find a counselor that he can talk about this to. I told him that it is something I can't help him with. I can support him, and I can do what his c suggests or thinks would help, but ultimately it is him that has to want me. I can't make him do that. I know he loves me, and I love him, I regret so much ignoring this problem for so long.....long meaning about 10 years or so. frown After he gets going on c, I will see if I need to see someone different as well to help me with the tearing down of the wall I have built.

Anything I'm not thinking of? Anyone with any ideas/personal experience that can help?