WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Hi CIPA,

I hope your son is doing much better. I know how kids think they're invincible at that age.

Well I guess you know the answer as to how you've been doing. You seriously need to cut off ties to your W. When I was S from my W, I barely talked to her. Of course, she had an OM to occupy her thoughts.

I can't believe she got you a copy of that self-help stuff that she's been reading. I think she's barking up the wrong tree. You know she could be going through a MLC like my W in terms of her regrets of past decisions, etc.

Just give her space and time to figure that out by herself.

When you go dark, you only talk to her when necessary. If she thinks you're being a jerk about it, let her. She can't TELL you when you can or can't pay attention to her.

JoshuaRoberts has a thread that shows how to detach to the extreme. I have reservations about his sitch because of the immaturity level of his W (literally), but his method could work in your sitch.

Thanks Stuck,

I kept our 3 year old home with me today just as a precaution but about 5 minutes after he was up, I realized I could have just taken him to school. My wife did drop by this morning to drop off my 7 eyar old's sneakers so he could go to camp. She had woken me up, so much for making sure I am looking my best when I see her.

I didn't say much as I was still really beat (it was about 7:30 AM and I didn't get to bed till after 1:30 AM). I did notice that she still wasn't wearing a ring, but didn't say anything other than the tactical stuff.

She called about 9:00 AM to remind me to pick up Gatoraid for my 3 year old (ER Dr recommended him to drink some). I told her that I know and was planning on doing it this morning before we went home. I told her the 3 year old and I were hanging by the lake after dropping off the 7 year old at camp and would pick it up before we went home. She must have thought I sounded annoyed as she started explaining how she was just trying to help and had thought I was home already.

I guess that's her way of appologizing. I just told her that I've got it taken care of and I do appreciate her concern for our son. Then I asked if she wanted to talk to him. She said yes, but when I tried to pass him the phone, he said he didn't want to talk to her. She said it was ok and just asked me to let her know how he was doing later in the day. I said I would and hung up.

Then she text me a little while later about how tired she was. I didn't reply as her dad called me up to see if I still wanted to meet with him and his buddy that opened a bar to get his thoughts about opening a bar. I told him that I couldn't as I had our 3 year old but asked to do it next week. He said no problem.

Then her mom called for me to help her with her computer. I told her that I would stop by after I was done at the lake with my 3 year old.

So my 3 year old went to my wife's mom's house to fix her computer. Then we went to store to pick up the gatoraid and a new baseball bat for him. We had a really good lunch where at the end, he put down his fork and asked if it was time for nap yet.

It wasn't, but I told him that it was if he was ready, which he was. After I put him down, I made a pot of coffee and text my wife back to let her know how the 3 year old was doing. She then texted back a various chit chat type items. I responded to a couple, but then I realized I was going to run out of text messages if I kept this up so I called her to answer her question. I answered her question and was about to hang up when she asked a couple of more chit chat type of things. I kept it very light and cordial like a friend (I was very mindful of any pursuing type of comments).

I ended the call when she said that she would come over to the house tonite to eat dinner with us before we headed out to the 7 year old's soccer game. I said that sounded fine and hung up.

So this continues as a friendly type of approach and eliminate any pursuing behavior as I transition to dark. Not sure if sexual joking counts as pursuing behavior or not if she initiates it. Any thoughts?