I know it is for me, and I am feeling it. I would like to hear stories of waw's who came back after a few months of indifference, and possible EA. I know it might be against db rules, but I thrive when I feel hope.
As long as you keep in mind that all of those db things you are doing truly are for YOU...I'll direct you to Coach's threads. The WAW he writes about in those threads is me and you can read for yourself what he did and how I responded.
He did the 180s, GAL, took control of himself and put me at arms length. I never had the feeling nor did he send the message that the door was closed - but he detached well enough that when I reached the safety level of thinking to come home, I felt I should ask if he concurred.
Read his threads. He's a source of hope.
Cheers ~~~~
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I know it might be against db rules, but I thrive when I feel hope.
So what are you going to do so that you think you have hope? You can handle it. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
what are your 3 favorite things to do around town besides going to the gym? write them down, and you can write down more if you come up with something else. Once you've done that you should have your next 5 to 9 days planned out doing what you enjoy. you'll still have thoughts of your W and M pop in your head while you're doing those things, but you need a distraction for now.
i don't think the lunch thing was horrible, but if you're trying to go dark on her, you need to get the heck outta there once it's over. even if you don't have anywhere specific to go, get up and announce you have plans and enjoyed the lunch, but you gotta get going. be a little more mysterious.
i think you understand already that a guy sitting at home feeling sorry for himself probably isn't attractive to any woman. so don't be that guy then.
you're doing good, man. don't give up.
oh and there are many occurances of WAW coming home. but they didn't come home until they really started to believe they were losing or already lost their H's. knowing that shouldn't be what gives you hope, everyones sitch is different. your hope should come from you, inside. Once you understand you'll make it without your W just fine, she might begin to come around. That's where your hope should be coming from for now.
W is making snyde remarks now, and generaly regarding me as a nuisance. Every time she talks like that to me it gets a tiny bit easier to detatch. I still love her very much but enough is enough. Who does she think she is? She wants out of this M. She is the one leaving, but she treats me like crap. By the way, I'm looking for others who are DBing now on there second M. I am, and sometes have to fight the feeling that there is something wrong with me. Thanks.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Have to say I love Joshua Roberts posts here. Not being a victim, giving ourselves hope, being better people for us is all great stuff. And thatnks for the link to that co dependents site JR, something a lot of us could use.
Mind me asking Orich what kind of snide remarks your W uses?Don`t post `em here if you don`t want to but think about them. Some of what our WAS say is rubbish of course, said to hurt us. But there are grains of truth in some of that dross too.
Would that be an opportunity for you to listen and validate?Not necessarily agree with her. But let her know you`re listening to her POV. And sifting through that yourself to here some truths about you.
I`m hooked on marriage too! I controlled my H too much! I`m learning how to be a better person in all this-if not for H, then for someone else!
Fallgirl, a lot of what she says are stupid little things that don't mean much. While we were in MC, she brought up all the things that bothered her about me. Even though I didn't know about DB, I began doing 180s. I changed the person I was for the better. She made good points. I have maintained those changes for me; I feel better myself for the changes I made. Now, she has something to say about things that she used to like about me, like the example I posted elsewhere: on Sunday she wanted to spend the day at the beach with her sister and all the kids. Usually I would go and her sisters husband wouldn't. He would do work around the house. Before, W told me she was happy that I spent time with the family. This time she said why don't I stay home and do husband things like her sisters husband. WTH?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I understand this and will let her know that I won't tolerate being spoken to like that regardless of how she feels about ne right now.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Ok, now i need support and advice. talked with W before. Her IC is working with her on moving on. She asked if my IC was working on the same. She is glad I have been working on myself and sees the progress because it will be good for me in the future. I will keep DBing and keeping my changes. I feel like I am regressing. I was hoping she was working on her past issues in order to get better. She does have mild depression. Now she. Wants to make a plan for separating. I'm sorry, but I am feeling very sad and low right now, looking for strength to continue.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
