First Timer

[goingtofixME]

Meant it more as a self reflective. Not as a confrontation. You gave her power over your feelings. You are doing right by detaching and acting "as if". I just wanted you to look at who she is right now. It helps with detaching.

[wolverine1997]

I see progress. While it did bother me, normally I would have said something. Now, it never really crossed my mind to do so. It bothered me but didn't upset me as it would have in the past. It actually bothered me more that my stupid Tigers blew the game!

[wolverine1997]

Went to play basketball with a buddy yesterday. After that came home, showered, got dressed and went to drink and play cards with buddies. Wife stayed home with kids. I think she only said two words to me all day, but thats ok. Had a good time today.

[wolverine1997]

Wife hasn't said anything about divorce in a couple of months, of course she hasn't talked to me at all during that time either. At some point should I approach her? Should I ever ask about her intentions? I honestly believe that she is content with us never talking or saying anything to each other ever again. She wants the stability and security of marriage but the freedom and carelessness of being single.

[wolverine1997]

Tomorrow will be interesting when she comes home from work and see that I have done more re-decorating. I stopped asking her for her opinions and trying to get her involved. I just started doing things on my own with pretty good success I must say. But this has always been her area of expertise not mine. But I want the house to be comfortable for me and the kids.

[wolverine1997]

Question to all. My wife won't talk to me and ignores me. At first I tried to very very nice and accomodating. Going out of my way to do things for her. That didn't work. Now I am basically treating her the same way that she treats me. I talk to her when necessary but that is about it. Is this the best approach?

[Done in VA]

I am basically in the same boat as you. It's almost as if H is trying to shut me out of his life. Is she like this in front of the kids? My kids have been out of town for 9 days, so H can keep this up...I don't know if he will continue once they return. Hope not. I am having a hard time figuring out the best approach myself...but have basically gone dark (as dark as I can be while living in the same house).

I stopped all email/text/phone calls when he or I am not home. When I come in & he is sitting on the couch, I cheerfully say hello - how are you? I think, how would I treat someone if I truly wasn't mad at them...I just didn't care what they thought. I figured, I would be pretty nice. I would engage in a little conversation, if it wasn't reciprocated, I would shut my mouth. I have also been doing things like, when he comes home from work, about 5 min after he walks in, I cheerfully announce while putting on sunglasses - well, I'll see you later. Even if I have to drive around. I will also talk, laugh & joke on the phone in front of him. I want him to know I am NOT trying to pi$$ him off, just having a good time living my own life.

[wolverine1997]

Basically, I am doing the same thing. My wife intentionally ignores me. She comes into the house and will not speak. She will leave and not tell me that she is leaving or where she is going. She will only call me if it is related to the kids or bills, etc. I continue to speak to her when she or I come home, the same as I would to anyone one else. But after speaking I don't try to engage her in conversation.

I have begun doing more things around the house that she would normally do, like decorating. At first I tried to get her involved in such activities hoping that it would draw us closer. She has stopped showing interest in taking care of the house. That used to be her passion. So I decided to do things on my own. I bought new furniture for the family room, changed the furniture around and such. Today I am installing new window treatments in the living, dining and family rooms (I can't believe I even use the words window treatments, six months ago I didn't even know the term existed).

I planned two vacations for me and the kids and did not invite her. I told her about the plans but did not include her. She is welcome to come at her own expense if she wants, but I know that she can't afford it. I think she is happy with me not speaking to her. But I can honestly say that by me not speaking I am doing a 180 and no longer pursuing her. Also, I have worked hard to GAL.

[Done in VA]

But I can honestly say that by me not speaking I am doing a 180 and no longer pursuing her.

To be honest, I never thought of it this way...but you are right.

I think you're doing a good job in your GALing. How metrosexual of you to use the term "window treatments"! Now if you figure out what a finial is, we're in some real trouble...LOL

[wolverine1997]

A what? All I know are blinds, shades, curtains and now window treatments. But enough of this stuff, let's talk some FOOTBALL! If this stuff is making me look metrosexual I gotta find another way to GAL.