Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

just journalizing?

I must say, as tempting and nice as it felt at the time to have someone come along, waht a bad idea that was starting to date new person. I ahd no idea how much it was tampering with my emotions over XW's A and the D and situation with the boys and all. It was obviously the cause of the increased stress lately. Since 'ending it' last Thursday I've been feeling much better, especially in the mornings. The dizziness has subsided and I've actually been able to drive in to the work the alst two days with the radio blaring without being distracted and enjoying life.

For a second I caught myself this morning starting to wane into a negative mood, looked myself dead in the face in the mirror and simply said ;life is good' and went about my way.

"xgf" did send a text last night "so this is how it ends?", I simply replied to take it for what it worth. I have issues, she has issues and it was not very truthful to say the least. Trust is going to be a serious issue with me for quite some time. But, thus that chapter is complete.

Didn't hear anything from boys or XW. It would appear they are still out of town downstate.

Not sure what to do. S11 has all of the sudden resumed his interest in NASCAR racing, I guess trying to follow in my foot steps, I had been a die hard fan since 1981. He lost interest as the M started to fall apart at some point a couple of years ago. I in turn lost interest in realization to that when the D got underway. Now he's back into and rekindled my interest. Anyway, his favorite driver is Tony Stewert, for those that don't follow, he drove the #20 Home Depot car from 1998-2008 exclusively. When we baught the 'new house' (aka the house from hell) and he finally had a room of his own, I painted it in the color scheme of Stewerts car, 8 layers of Home Depot orange so it couldn't chip went on the walls and a checkered flag on the ceiling, he was in heaven. Well, this season, Stewert went on to start his own team and is doing really well, leading the season, which is highly unusual for a new team owner/driver. I had bought S11 a die cast model of his new car as at last minute for S11's b-day. So since the race is being held here in Chicago this week and being excited that S11 is highly interested again, I thought it would be cool to see if we can get to an autograph session and have Stewert sign the car for S11.

Well, it looks like that is going to be a huge tibackle as there is only one location listed where Stewert will be doing autographs and we'd have to be there, in line at 7am to be one of 350 people to get a wristband for a one hour autograph session at 4:30 in the afternoon. What is the deal with that?

So I guess I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board on that. But then again, it doesn't even look like S11 is in town anyway. Maybe I'll spurge a little bit soon and take S11 to one of Stewerts dirt car tracks near by in Indiana.

I think I've rambled on enough. But I will say I feel good and really exercised control to not contact XW yesterday. I really like the way we are starting to interact, but I am not setting myself up for anything major.