<< What's wrong with looking for someone that can "add" to your happiness after months and months of loneliness and rejection? And why a new person means "trouble" fb2? First let's set aside moral/religious convictions (I have mine, you have yours). Assume the spouse is a "gone case" (not your case). The D process when there are young kids, property, retirement, etc. (as far as I know it) is harrowing to say the least. The kids even at 50% time are a BIG responsibility, finances are low, mood is low, ... Where's the time and energy left to find/romance a woman unless the "right" person drops out of the sky and is all there for you? And remember after going thru' this thing once we need to be many times more careful the next time, right?
<< Sure things need to be "stable and normal" when you enter a new relationship and that is only to make sure you do justice to the other person involved and can give also and not only take, You also need to do justice to yourself. Most of the people on the "dating' scene are self-centered - they are looking for something for "me".
<< ...but I dont think life will wait for any of us and no one that I can recall here, expressed their intentions to become monk or stay celibate for ever. I for one rather be a celibate monk than do thru' this again!!! And life is not waiting for me, I'm living it to the full, one day at a time; call it DBing if you like but I think its my faith in God.
<< If the people here are not able to have a relationship after a divorce or a R failing, then...DBing is crap. We should be able to have BETTER and "easier", more fullfilling relationships, not give up and hide in our caves. I sense your frustration and maybe DBing is cr*p after all!? But no need to hide in your cave. Look up the Dalai Lama - he's all over the globe and he's a monk.
<< In everything there must be balance and limit. Including loneliness. I for one, am fed up with this whole "stay alone, celibate and miserable until ..." when exactly, by the way? If anyone feels like going ahead and dating , I say go ahead and date. Kids dont have to know until is time for them to know. The modern, self-centered culture eh? This is want got us where we are. Why do you have to be lonely and imbalanced unless you have an 'R' as you call it? Life has so many dimensions. You are making and selling jewelry, I am taking care of my kids and renovating my home and meeting with sincere friends and family. Why do I need to be "miserable" and why do I need someone else in the picture to be "whole" again?
<< Come on people, we are not dead or sick or with low morals when we crave for someone to love and to be loved by. We are just humans and need affection. Enough with this honorable BS that hide fear and shuttered hearts. Let's call it what it is. We are just animals, right?
<< They [kids] need to see us creating happy lives again, especially after a huge blow as a painful divorce. If I was in my kids shoes I certainly wouldn't be happy with a "step-mother" or "step-father". But I really don't know what goes on their little minds. However, it is possible to find happiness without selfishly putting the kids thru' yet more emotional pain.
P.S. I looked in the netherworld for pictures of your jewelry but did not spot any. Hope you are doing well.
You also need to do justice to yourself. Most of the people on the "dating' scene are self-centered - they are looking for something for "me". You may be right fb2....but what kept me going is the belief that there are good people out there. Hell there are good people on this site, why should it be different in the real world.
You also need to do justice to yourself. Most of the people on the "dating' scene are self-centered - they are looking for something for "me". You may be right fb2....but what kept me going is the belief that there are good people out there. Hell there are good people on this site, why should it be different in the real world.
Agreed John there are good people out there somewhere but its not worth a lot of our time and energy finding a needle in a haystack given all the other heavy lifting due to the 'sitch' and a new 'R' does take a lot of time and energy and risk (I'm speaking from my own POV of course; when school starts again I will have my kids 64.29% of the time; I have no time, money or patience to experiment with or impress some self-seeking date; a really good woman for me will not be posted on match.com or craigslist or anything like that I'm afraid).
<< What's wrong with looking for someone that can "add" to your happiness after months and months of loneliness and rejection? And why a new person means "trouble" fb2? First let's set aside moral/religious convictions (I have mine, you have yours). Assume the spouse is a "gone case" (not your case). The D process when there are young kids, property, retirement, etc. (as far as I know it) is harrowing to say the least. The kids even at 50% time are a BIG responsibility, finances are low, mood is low, ... Where's the time and energy left to find/romance a woman unless the "right" person drops out of the sky and is all there for you? And remember after going thru' this thing once we need to be many times more careful the next time, right?
fb2, what you describe is life. If you "wait" until everything is resolved then I am sorry to tell you this, there will ALWAYS be something going on that you can consider a reason not to allow yourself to fall in love. All of us, including single people (meaning, not necessarily DBcom residents), at least in my country, dont find it easy to meet someone that fits well together. But as you say, to be "a next time", granted you want that, you need to take your chances... You remind me of that saying that goes "I will not get into the sea until I learn first how to swim...".
<< Sure things need to be "stable and normal" when you enter a new relationship and that is only to make sure you do justice to the other person involved and can give also and not only take, You also need to do justice to yourself. Most of the people on the "dating' scene are self-centered - they are looking for something for "me". So your alternative is to not look for someone because you are afraid your choice may not be right? Ok, I can understand that. I dont think it is healthy and wise but I understand.
<< ...but I dont think life will wait for any of us and no one that I can recall here, expressed their intentions to become monk or stay celibate for ever. I for one rather be a celibate monk than do thru' this again!!! And life is not waiting for me, I'm living it to the full, one day at a time; call it DBing if you like but I think its my faith in God. It's a POV. Life for me, includes a fullfilling relationship. I live life the best way I can now, but I want and need, to be loved and love. I guess it's the way I am built.
<< If the people here are not able to have a relationship after a divorce or a R failing, then...DBing is crap. We should be able to have BETTER and "easier", more fullfilling relationships, not give up and hide in our caves. I sense your frustration and maybe DBing is cr*p after all!? But no need to hide in your cave. Look up the Dalai Lama - he's all over the globe and he's a monk.
I am not hiding fb2. Are you? All your thoughts are around "what if the next person sucks, what if she/he is self centered, what if I cant give enough because of lack of time, money, etc etc". Let me ask you something :what if the next person is amazing, great and loves you the way you -we- all should be loved, what if the next person heals your heart, brings the best out of you, makes you smile and gives you joy, what if the next person is a good woman?
<< In everything there must be balance and limit. Including loneliness. I for one, am fed up with this whole "stay alone, celibate and miserable until ..." when exactly, by the way? If anyone feels like going ahead and dating , I say go ahead and date. Kids dont have to know until is time for them to know. The modern, self-centered culture eh? This is want got us where we are. Why do you have to be lonely and imbalanced unless you have an 'R' as you call it? Life has so many dimensions. You are making and selling jewelry, I am taking care of my kids and renovating my home and meeting with sincere friends and family. Why do I need to be "miserable" and why do I need someone else in the picture to be "whole" again?
Huh? This is what brought us here? I am talking about "available grown ups". So what do you say? Once divorced you are doomed for life? Ohh dear!! fb2, you really need to consider things over again. I am making jewelery, painting paintings, work, have fun with my kids, enjoy my family and friends, and I would love a lover and a companion. I like making love and enjoying lazy mornings in bed, taking walks, going out, etc etc... I guess you feel differently.
<< Come on people, we are not dead or sick or with low morals when we crave for someone to love and to be loved by. We are just humans and need affection. Enough with this honorable BS that hide fear and shuttered hearts. Let's call it what it is. We are just animals, right? Huh? No, we are not. At least I dont feel like an animal because I want someone in my life. We are not animals because we need companionship and love.
<< They [kids] need to see us creating happy lives again, especially after a huge blow as a painful divorce. If I was in my kids shoes I certainly wouldn't be happy with a "step-mother" or "step-father". But I really don't know what goes on their little minds. However, it is possible to find happiness without selfishly putting the kids thru' yet more emotional pain. Who said anything about a stepdad or stepmom? It's only black and white in your world isnt it? Well, if I do D my H and dind someone that I think is worthy to be called stepdad to my kids that would be a miracle. But that doesnt have to happen.
P.S. I looked in the netherworld for pictures of your jewelry but did not spot any. Hope you are doing well. You have to check my pictures file "things I make".
