WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

You are still very much in love with this woman and it is hard to "think" when faced with a stitch like yours. She tempts you constantly with her contacts. It really would be easier in many respects if you didn't have to see her.

Sandi

The crazy part of it is that thought that it may be easier if I didn't see her so much has crossed my mind a few times. A few weeks back, I had really thought that, when I was doing dark the "Cold jerk" way. I think it was 3 days where I didn't see or hear from her. It actually almost seemed to get easier just getting adjusted to life, but when she called, it all came crashing back in on me.

I do love her, but as she had even commented, she doesn't see why as she really hasn't been very nice to me. That comment of her's has really stuck in my head. I'm really trying to digest that one and understand that one. I have some thoughts on it, but would like to know your thoughts. I can guess what they are, but as I keep telling my wife, I'm not a mind reader.

We can only tell you that you need to drop the rope and encourage you as to "how" as best we can....but only you will know when you truly have succeeded in doing it. B/c it is an attitude in your spirit. You make up your mind that it is time to move on. Once you achieve that focus, you can do it. Simple as that. Until then, you just have to keep trying everyday. Learn from your mistakes. Be prepared for the worst. I think that is why she can knock the breath out of you like she did with taking her ring off. You were not prepared to see that. Think of what would be the worst move she might do next, and be ready for it.

Take care,
Sandi

I think the only thing worse for the relationship would be she meets someone and/or starts dating. I don't think that I will have the stomach to move forward in the relationship if that happens.

She had called me tonite after she had picked up the kids. I was out with my buddy as he needed to borrow my rototiller. I hadn't talked to him in about 6 weeks so when he came over, we were going to drop it off at his place and then go out for some food and drinks.

My wife called me just about 8 PM. I thought it was a little early to say goodnite to the kids. Usually it's around 8:30 PM and she had mentioned that her sister was in town so it might be later than normal tonite. I answered it and it turned out when the boys were playing with their cousin, my 3 year old fell backwards onto the coffee table and hit the back of his head and was bleeding from his nose uncontrollably.

I told her that she can pick me up from home in about 20 minutes (she would go past it to get to the hospital) and rushed back.

We spent about 4 hours in the ER. Fortunately the CAT scan turned out to be no issue. During that time I tried to comfort my son as my wife and I just chatted about stuff. She even started joking about some sexual stuff (very odd considering where we are in our situation).

She then made some comment about me not wearing my ring. I told her that I was helping my buddy load my rototiller so I didn't want to mess it up. She said oh, she thought it was because she didn't wear her's today. I told her I don't wear it occassionally for different reasons, but none are the same as hers. She said that she does wear it some days and some other days not. I just dropped the conversation as I didn't want to get into it again and shifted topics.

We didn't get done with the ER until almost midnite, so she asked if the boys could stay with me so they could get some extra sleep. I said sure, no problem. I told the boys and they were both VERY excited (I don't think she was happy about that).

She did say that she would bring pizza for dinner before my 7 year old's soccer game on Tues nite. And she said that she would try to find a coupon for the place that I like for dinner on Weds nite.

So the craziness continues.

I do need to make the shift to being less "pursuing/in love with her" when we are together. I need to just maintain friendliness and not cross that line.

Thanks for your thoughts Sandi.