I think it bothered me as one of the things she said before she moved out was that she was still going to wear her ring as she felt we were still married (it's just that she doesn't want to be anymore). So today when she stopped wearing it, it was just another dose of reality
I guess I really need to drop the rope just for my own emotional well being and sanity
This hurts every time but the hurt seems to last less and less each time
Thanks for dropping in
Where in PA are you? I'm just north of Philly
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
just noticed your recent job loss. hope your previous one served you well even if just in some small way or maybe a big way ..don't know.
I get around both by air and by other throughout the eastern half of PA. So I am geographically familiar with a whole mess of it (as my car's ann miles of like 22-23k will attest).
While I was born and raised in Havertown (DelCo.) I now semi-sorta reside in the Wilkes Barre vicinty...W Pittston more precisely. My job brought me here and it is too good of one to leave esp. now (you don't have to imagine that one ..unfortunately )
Keep working on the attachment, I am sure it is coming along. It is the only way to keep yourself from transforming to dust. The Lord says that it is that from whence we came. Selah.
oh and after high school my folks lived in Bensalem for about 20 yr, so I am quite familiar with around there as well. I am familiar with ooodles and ooodles of PA.
plus my first flight lesson way back in '89 was at NE Phila airport. along time and many flying hours ago.
You are still very much in love with this woman and it is hard to "think" when faced with a stitch like yours. She tempts you constantly with her contacts. It really would be easier in many respects if you didn't have to see her.
We can only tell you that you need to drop the rope and encourage you as to "how" as best we can....but only you will know when you truly have succeeded in doing it. B/c it is an attitude in your spirit. You make up your mind that it is time to move on. Once you achieve that focus, you can do it. Simple as that. Until then, you just have to keep trying everyday. Learn from your mistakes. Be prepared for the worst. I think that is why she can knock the breath out of you like she did with taking her ring off. You were not prepared to see that. Think of what would be the worst move she might do next, and be ready for it.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
whoops ....for the sake of correctness "keep working on the attachment" should have read "keep working on the detachment"
attachment ....detachment ...phewwwy!
Ted,
No worries about that mix up. I have issues like that very often when I'm sending stuff from my phone. Darn autotext isn't as smart as I would like
Let me know the next time your in the area. Perhaps we can grab some adult refreshments and compare notes on our situation. Seems like yours is making a turn for a different road
Guess part of the irony about my job situation is that one of my wife's complaints was that she felt that I thought my job was more important that her since I spent so much time working. Crazy how life goes full circle.....
Take care and thanks for dropping by my thread
Last edited by confusedinpa; 07/07/0904:54 AM.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Let me know the next time your in the area. Perhaps we can grab some adult refreshments and compare notes on our situation. Seems like yours is making a turn for a different road
When you say N of Philly, are you within the city limits or suburbia North. Nearly every w/e I wind up trekking from the fairly boring N.E. PA and opt instead to linger around the Lehigh Valley and upper Bucks areas (where my short list of friends live ...as well as the Wife for a little bit longer). Then maybe like every other w/e I try and make it out to visit the P's who live out in horse & buggy territory amongst the Amish and Mennonite folk in Lancaster County. I am so happy that they moved out there since visiting them is so cool.
The thought of us catching up with one another and getting a chance to meet sounds great to me. I am not one to shy away from tasty Ales, Pilsners, Lagers, Stouts, Porters so if you know of a neat spot where we could hang and chat for a few while enjoying some suds and the like then just say the word.
You are still very much in love with this woman and it is hard to "think" when faced with a stitch like yours. She tempts you constantly with her contacts. It really would be easier in many respects if you didn't have to see her.
Sandi
The crazy part of it is that thought that it may be easier if I didn't see her so much has crossed my mind a few times. A few weeks back, I had really thought that, when I was doing dark the "Cold jerk" way. I think it was 3 days where I didn't see or hear from her. It actually almost seemed to get easier just getting adjusted to life, but when she called, it all came crashing back in on me.
I do love her, but as she had even commented, she doesn't see why as she really hasn't been very nice to me. That comment of her's has really stuck in my head. I'm really trying to digest that one and understand that one. I have some thoughts on it, but would like to know your thoughts. I can guess what they are, but as I keep telling my wife, I'm not a mind reader.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
We can only tell you that you need to drop the rope and encourage you as to "how" as best we can....but only you will know when you truly have succeeded in doing it. B/c it is an attitude in your spirit. You make up your mind that it is time to move on. Once you achieve that focus, you can do it. Simple as that. Until then, you just have to keep trying everyday. Learn from your mistakes. Be prepared for the worst. I think that is why she can knock the breath out of you like she did with taking her ring off. You were not prepared to see that. Think of what would be the worst move she might do next, and be ready for it.
Take care, Sandi
I think the only thing worse for the relationship would be she meets someone and/or starts dating. I don't think that I will have the stomach to move forward in the relationship if that happens.
She had called me tonite after she had picked up the kids. I was out with my buddy as he needed to borrow my rototiller. I hadn't talked to him in about 6 weeks so when he came over, we were going to drop it off at his place and then go out for some food and drinks.
My wife called me just about 8 PM. I thought it was a little early to say goodnite to the kids. Usually it's around 8:30 PM and she had mentioned that her sister was in town so it might be later than normal tonite. I answered it and it turned out when the boys were playing with their cousin, my 3 year old fell backwards onto the coffee table and hit the back of his head and was bleeding from his nose uncontrollably.
I told her that she can pick me up from home in about 20 minutes (she would go past it to get to the hospital) and rushed back.
We spent about 4 hours in the ER. Fortunately the CAT scan turned out to be no issue. During that time I tried to comfort my son as my wife and I just chatted about stuff. She even started joking about some sexual stuff (very odd considering where we are in our situation).
She then made some comment about me not wearing my ring. I told her that I was helping my buddy load my rototiller so I didn't want to mess it up. She said oh, she thought it was because she didn't wear her's today. I told her I don't wear it occassionally for different reasons, but none are the same as hers. She said that she does wear it some days and some other days not. I just dropped the conversation as I didn't want to get into it again and shifted topics.
We didn't get done with the ER until almost midnite, so she asked if the boys could stay with me so they could get some extra sleep. I said sure, no problem. I told the boys and they were both VERY excited (I don't think she was happy about that).
She did say that she would bring pizza for dinner before my 7 year old's soccer game on Tues nite. And she said that she would try to find a coupon for the place that I like for dinner on Weds nite.
So the craziness continues.
I do need to make the shift to being less "pursuing/in love with her" when we are together. I need to just maintain friendliness and not cross that line.
Thanks for your thoughts Sandi.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
When you say N of Philly, are you within the city limits or suburbia North. Nearly every w/e I wind up trekking from the fairly boring N.E. PA and opt instead to linger around the Lehigh Valley and upper Bucks areas (where my short list of friends live ...as well as the Wife for a little bit longer). Then maybe like every other w/e I try and make it out to visit the P's who live out in horse & buggy territory amongst the Amish and Mennonite folk in Lancaster County. I am so happy that they moved out there since visiting them is so cool.
The thought of us catching up with one another and getting a chance to meet sounds great to me. I am not one to shy away from tasty Ales, Pilsners, Lagers, Stouts, Porters so if you know of a neat spot where we could hang and chat for a few while enjoying some suds and the like then just say the word.
T
Ted,
I'm almost exactly in the middle between PHL and ABE, so meeting up that way is not a problem at all. Let me know when you may be in the area and I can try to cooridinate with when I have my boys. Sundays are usually the best for me as I have the boys Thurs, Fri and Sat nites.
Some cold beers definitely sound good. I has been a rough year. I just hope the second half is better. Let me know which weekend may work best for you. Do you know how to send PM's so we can exchange emails or contact info?
Take care
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
either tommorow or Wed I will let you know if we could maybe do that this w/e. If not then next w/e I hope. and Sunday's are fine with me.
I have and FB doohickey which i hardly ever go onto or update or anything but that is one possibility as far as exchange of email addresses for further coordination and that sorta stuff.
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