Whew! Bad scene, Alex. But you know that. And yes, I do believe in not shielding the kids from the difficulties of relationships, after all, it's their destiny too. But I still remember how bad it is to be the people in that house where the fight is going on.
Family counseling might be helpful. Get them all in there. Have someone to moderate, to get the feelings out without all the animosity. Your wife may have a pretty exterior, but what's harbored inside is not good-looking. And apparently she is so desperate to get her way that she is using a scorched earth approach. Doesn't work in families.
If she won't go, make the appointment, and herd all the kids in with you. Let her be left out if she so chooses. But get some professional insight.
