I am so confused. My H called today. I called him back after a couple of hours. We had set today as a time to discuss our R. I had a hard day at work and was tired but didn't want to back away from a set time we had agreed on.
Anyways, he said to me that he wants to "start fresh" and see if we can make it work. He knows this is hurting me and he regrets that, but is sure this is the best thing for him. He wants to figure out and make decisions based on what he WANTS to do.......not what he is SUPPOSED to do.
WHAT? I suggested that we just stop contact for a few months. He said he had no intention of doing that. I said well, we are divorced.......how does this work...are we dating? are we single? are we separated? or just legally divorced?
He said I'm making it too complicated. He just wants to start fresh and start at a 0 baseline...but, he is not sure if we can, bc we have a 10 year history that he says he is not sure we can change/forget. He would not give any sort of label.
He said he didn't call me this weekend bc he was feeling really lonely and he didn't want to talk to me when he was so vulnerable. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????? SOMEONE DECODE???????
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT???? I am trying to listen and validate, but geez....Did I miss something or did I just sign divorce papers????
so, I guess we are both working on ourselves and in the meantime trying to reconnect? He said basically that for him this was the only way to save "us". At one point he said we would probably know by September....I asked if he had any ideas right now. He said 'No, he did not". He wants to meet up in September or he will come down for a visit again. I just don't know.....what??????
I said I will just consider us divorced until we decide otherwise. He said "well, ok, if that is what makes it easier for you. But, I'm telling you this is the only way for us to save "us"....for us to have a chance."
SIGH. I just finally gave up. OK. To me, I am hearing, H wants XYZ and when he can get back to ABC, and hopefully we will, but who knows cuz he can't tell me how he will feel....then we can do what he wants .... get married or stay D "for real".
UM...........I just don't know. CONFUSED. Today, I asked him why he wants to keep contact and he says, "well, I have no ill feelings towards you, in fact just the opposite" (WHATEVER THAT MEANS). I couldn't say "Lets just not talk." I don't know if I can deal with that myself. It was so difficult that first month when we had nothing to say.
I also told him that I wanted him to stop lecturing me about my career. I know he has more experience than I do...he is 5 years ahead of me, but it just needs to stop. Its annoying for me and after he is done lecturing, he doesn't like it either. I told him that my career talk needs to be monitored and cannot be more than 10 min in one conversation. He apologized and agreed. He said its a habit and its something he is working on.
I think we have nothing else to talk about. How do I deal with this new realization???????? I don't want to talk about "us"...and I don't want to talk about "work" and we can't really talk much about "family & friends"..........so, what things should I talk about?
I can't believe that I don't know what to talk about with him and I think he is having the same issue!!!!!!! SUCH A BAD SIGN!!
Some things I did wrong and need to work on is I talked too much. I really have to remember to speak/write/text/whatever half of what he does. I was too tired to be ON and my game suffered today.
Well, I hope someone can give me some insight and also help me figure out what alternate topics to talk about. ??????
