Yes, I have no doubt there are deliberate predators out there. Shame on them, and heaven be their judge. But there are, I daresay, many more people who are simply screwed up, sad, weak, deluded, and lost ..... just like the Walkaways whose spouses post here. Yes, the chemicals of infatuation are powerful persuaders, but that works both ways.
If you have to infantilize your spouse to forgive them, if you have to spin it in your head that they must have been the victim of a predator to speak and act as they did .... then I feel sorry for you and your spouse. Because even if you reconcile, your marriage is built on sand and illusion.
We are all, every last one of us, capable of terrible betrayals. Of course, it is up to the betrayed spouse whether to forgive or not. But that's a decision that should be made with eyes open and full recognition of the culpability of the transgressor, not a lot of scapegoating and sugarcoating. Otherwise, it's just a lie piled on lies. IMHO.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
