1. I am not absolving WS of accountability. 2. I am not suggesting this is a gender point either, both genders would be handled the same way.
What I am saying is
1. I view this similar to a drug addict and the drug dealer. Many people on this forum who were in affairs have often compared affairs to drug addiction. I believe even you puppy have acknowledged an addiction is in play here...one difficult to fight off.
2. The main person I hold accountable is the drug DEALER, not the addict. Both legally are punishable by law, drug use and the sale thereof. The drug SALE is treated far more harshly. Why? Because the addict is being exploited as much as they are making a choice.
If you hold that affairs are an addiction and the WS is really hooked, then why not show some understanding to that and put a harsher stare at the creep selling the destructive fantasy?
Most of the time WS have affairs because their emotions are in flux...they are vulnerable.
Adults? yes, to the SAME DEGREE as the drug dealer? No.
I actually saw a website once where there was some creep with a SCOREBOARD up on his home page of how many marriages he has ruined. He keeps TRACK and follows their demise...he treats it like a sport.
Puppy you said yourself in another forum that this "friend" of a poster's wife here on this forum...who is separated from his wife...during separation wasn't just a threat, but that he was a "predator". It wasn't too long ago, remember that one? Woudld you hold this guy's wife EQUALLY accuountable as the predator?
I am arguing that these marital predators should be held under far less sympathetic scruitiny.
Better question. What if the couple reconciles? One can hardly charge criminal action against one's spouse during reconcilliation.
Sorry guys I just don't buy this idea that both people in an affair are always on the same level. From my reading and experience there is always one person more in control than the other...in control of the situation...one person pushing for more while the other is more apprehensive.
There seems to be consistently be one "culprit" in many cases.
Adults? Yes, but I offer the WS some sympathy, just like Michele Davis does...if they are so HORRIBLE then why fight for them? If these spouses are so CHILDISH then why pursue a reconcilliation?
Most people here do understand the complexity here. I have read it hundreds of times, they read or spy on their spouse and learn how creepy and manipulative the predatory party is.
Sorry guys, but in these complex affairs I don't view the two as equals.
Lets have a look at a fist fight even...sometimes there's one person more aggressive, more provocative, etc.
You guys need to lighten up on your spouses a bit or you wont' ever get them back.
I even once met someone who WANTED to come on this forum as a WS who was cheating and WANTED to END it...but she could'nt ...why?
Because she read the visceral language used against spouses here and felt like a witch in salemn massachusetts.
Please guys, lighten up a bit and try to understand how sometimes these predators just trash your marriage and exploit your spouse (both genders do it), often they KNOW they are doing it...while your wayward spouse is caught up in some addictive fantasy spun by these monsters.
Open your imagination and your heart a bit please...you want your spouse BACK don't you?
Someone once told me write on this forum as if you are writing to your spouse directly...I think that's something we need to practice more here.
