Fire's burning out...just smoldering

[blindsided1]

Thanks, Wifey. It was a decent holiday...as decent as it could have been without my baby. She was with Daddy. Yes, the courtpapers make him liable for half the debt...thank god.

[blindsided1]

Hope you all had a great fourth.

So, H comes to pick up D on Friday. It's fine...the usual...fishing around for sex blah blah blah. I asked him to please give me a call on the fourth so I could say I love her. He didn't. But, I was lucky enough to have BIL sending me messages about her all weekend.

Sunday, he brings her home...same deal. He was actually decent to my family. They are always nice to him even if he is a total jerk. So, he tells me that she was a picky eater, very fussy and screaming all weekend. Wow. She doesn't do that at home. Maybe it was because she had to spend the fourth with a bunch of strangers....OW's family. Ow wasn't even there. She had to work.

So, in my usual self punishing way...I go on FB this morning and on his page, OW has a status "sad that I can't spend the holiday with my family". To which her sister replies "we miss you too. But, I'm glad I got to spend time with the babies (K and H's new son)". OW replies.."were you really glad to spend time with them...I hear one of them was a major handful and screamed the whole time. Not sorry I missed that.(talking about my daughter). So, OW's mom chimes in "she was just tired. Grandma rocked her to sleep outside. Love my babies. Missing their Mommy." I wanted to reach through the computer and rip out their hearts. #1 that b!tch is NOT K's Mom and that other b!tch is NOT her grandma. Fits in to their whole fake family, I suppose. Let's see....she isn't married to him.. I STILL AM...how does that qualify her in any way shape of form to be her Mommy or her to be the Grandma. I hate those people. And, I really love how OW talks about my daughter as being a major handful. I want to b!tch slap her sooooo bad. Now, her true colors are starting to show. It scares me for K. I can't imagine that she is soooo totally happy to have my daughter in the picture...She's smart, beautiful, and a constant reminder of H's REAL family they destroyed. H has to ask her permission to see his daughter. I'm so ashamed of him sometimes.

[karen43]

I just don't get that. It sounds like they have this whole fantasy family they imagine they are. Weird. It sounds like there might be some chinks in OW's fantasy world though. The truth is reality has to eventually intrude I think.

I've actually had a lot of good come out of the separation and D process, but losing my kids part of the time and knowing OW is with them instead of me is the hardest part. Does that get easier ever? I don't know... Karen

[blindsided1]

I don't think it gets easier...maybe. I just feel like OW isn't as happy about having my d around as she pretends to be when MIL & BIL are around. They are a weird family. OW comes from a family where her Mom changed her last name because she left her ex-H and didn't want him to find them, OW has half sibling from her original Dad & another woman, her original Mom and another man and her step father or something. I think she has 4 sibling...all with different last names. It's weird. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that is a normal family.

[karen43]

I don't think she will; she has you in her life thank goodness. I also doubt OW is going to last long-term.

It's apparent to me that a lot of the OM and OW come from messed-up families. And a lot of our WAS also. I do like to believe that you can overcome a troubled childhood, but I think 95% of the time we wind up being a lot like our parents. I'm scarily like my dad, and my H is a mix of his parents. I seriously before I would ever get involved with anyone again, like engaged or whatever, want to meet their family first. I think a lot of times that tells you more than anything what they are really like at the core... Karen

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I remember thinking that it would change once we became comfortable. It doesn't...SO2

this is because WE have to do something different, not wait for them to. but most the time, we are blind by the thought of the cheese being in that same tunnel and we know it's gonna be there eventually, but never is. We ALL do this.

[Startingover2]

I think you and I both need to sit back and watch the flames. It may take some time but its gonna happen.

Although, it would scare me if OW isn't really thrilled with your D being there. I hope that your H doesn't ever leave your D in the care of OW. I would specify that in your papers somehow. She seems like the type that wouldn't take very good care of her.

[Tomato]

I have been fairly dormant on the posts while making periodic read thru's.

But I would agree with SO2's good point that if you don't already have no alone time stipulated, it oughta be the case!

I will pray that it can be made to happen with little effort.

Hold your Father closer & be well.

T

[Tomato]

i meant to type "close" but that will work equally well

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey, 2x4, quit looking up his FB page!!! you know that is not healthy for you and definitely does not contribute to you thinking positively.

we already know they are messed up and looking on there isn't going to change things except how you feel.

what she said though about K, is a normal response in my opinion. I've said things like that. not siding with her at all though.

just try to move past this, and stop letting her and her family consume anymore of your precious time. they are not worthy of your time.