D4 and I stayed at home for the Fourth, fireworks happen to late and by that time she's sound asleep. She plays so hard during the day that she's exhausted.
I also like to stay home because the neighbors down the road shoot off some loud fireworks and it scares my cows. We used to have to watch them for busting thru the fences. But now I'm only down to a one cow, one goat and one cat that as a kitten has always road the back of the cow or goat and now that it is a full grown cat it still rides on the goat mostly. Ha !! what a site, D4 and I crack up when we see it.
The last time I heard from my H was last wednesday when he dropped off D4. It is very much not like him to not text to see how she is. I refused to text him. It is so hard to detach, I can't stand it. But know it's a necessary thing to do.
He will pick up D4 and drop her off tonight. I feel very nervous. We had come such along way only to go back to the way we were when he first left. I feel like I'm starting all over again.
This time our "new" divorce date of August 1, 2009 isn't bothering me as much as the old one did. Sure it makes me sad but I've realized that I love him so much that I am willing to let him go and maybe, just maybe, we can find each other again someday. (I didn't file, he did so I couldn't stop it anyway)
I was at church this past sunday and I saw my BIL & SIL who used to always hug and kiss me and say how much they missed me and always told me to call them. In the beginning I called them twice, but they were usually busy or they'd tell my H that I called. Was I dumb, but at least I never said anything to them that I wouldn't have said to my H.
Anyway, they said Hi - very casual, no eye contact and while they were walking past me. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't say hi to them. His whole family cut me out of their lives entirely. Pastor told me along time ago, that blood is thicker than water (I'm the water !!!!) I should have said hi back but I know they really don't give a hoot. What a shame, we used to be so close.
One of my best friends said that if we were to ever get back together we need to move away from all of his family.
I said, I've learned alot from all of this. I wouldn't dare move further away because my luck my H might relapse and do this again. That's a sad thought.
At least now, I've put the house back in my name and I know that he can't take it away from me. He did try last monday when he met my lawyer (10 minutes b4 court) but my L reminded him that no Mr.?? your wife bought that house and put down a large amount of money down on it before you came into the picture. Now you took a loan out for a building and within 5 months you were gone. Seems to me, you put her into a financial hardship.
He wasn't happy to say the least but he backed off. I hate this but it felt good to vent here. I've kept that in, didn't even want to tell my mom because my mom has helped us out so much with the house thru the years. She deserves more interest in the house then he does. (ha=ha)
Oh well, I just have to breath slow and be strong.
Grace if your still with me, I hope you had a good 4th and I'm thinking of all of you
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail
