Jumping in (1st post)

[Gardener]

Journaling. So as I reflect on the last couple of weeks, DBing - and especially Last Resort Techniques have produced:

Greater peace in my mind (key)
Apparent efforts by my wife to keep me on the phone, spend a little time with me, spend even more time with me, her agreement to hold off D talk for another month. Her connecting emotionally if only by VM to The Note. Overall, a number of small changes of her slightly Moving Toward instead of Moving Away. And, even so, I'm feeling a bit "Ok. No Big Deal." about it.
A stronger sense of control, self determination.
More time working on me for me.

And my one non-LRT, reaching out invitation(to fireworks) to my wife produced:
My not really wanting to be with her that night because she went back behind the wall big time.
Impromptu 180ing (mingling, chatting w/crowd, diving in instead of sitting and spectating), actually leaving her behind to do this and not caring at all that I did. ("OK. No Big Deal, here, either.")

I'm going back to LRT, backing off, going (mostly) dark, back to my self-talk of "Face it, Gardener, your marriage has been over for months now. Your wife has been gone in every way a wife or person can be gone for months now. You have no marriage; you have no wife. Now, heal. Work. Grow."
For several weeks I've been saying that I'm a better person all around when I tell myself that. Of course I am. Because saying that, living that, is the detachment that I thought was eluding me. That self-talk and the actions that follow it are my detachment.
It feels better. Gets some results from my wife, true, but that's just a by-product, not the intent, and either way: No Big Deal."

Got that, Gardener?
Yes, I do, Gardener.
Thank me very much.