Your H is so selfish --- having sex, knowing he is leaving you. Obviously, most women would keep hoping for reconciliation given the intimacy of making love.
Do not sign those papers. It would definitely get him out the door faster if you do, but also, it's not what you want. If he wants a D then he has to go through the whole nasty process and pay for it, IMHO. He should learn that nothing in life is that easy, especially throwing away a 22 yr marriage. You know, just sign a piece of paper then 'cheerio'. It should be, "if you want to get rid of me, baby cheeks, then you're going to have to pay the piper --- I'm not going to just disappear with a quick signature." Well, that's what I would've said to my H if I had been presented with the same scenario. Ha! You are a lot kinder than I am.
Also, I agree with Dawn about getting involved with H's R with his mom. It's theirs to mend or not. You've got enough to contend with your own R with him. It looks to me like he is using every little thing to justify his leaving, even his mother, so it would be pointless to get involved.
Again, I agree with Dawn about detaching. Make that your mantra. Your H is not himself --- he has been taken over by some 'alien' or another, so detach yourself because you're not communicating with your H anymore. Hopefully, he will dig himself out of this one day, but in the meantime, he will say hurtful things that you must learn not to respond to.
Detach and set boundaries and don't do anything you do not want to do.
I got my H back, but you know, he's still not completely 'back' after 4 years. So, it really is a long process. I have my best friend back, but there is still so much missing. I am not saying this will happen to you in the event that your H does reconcile, but whatever the outcome ---- it is going to be a long, hard road. Prepare for it, like you would a cross country road trip. Take things that you will need or anticipate possible needs: water if you get thirsty = GAL because you will thirst for something to keep you going and this is the best thing gas in the tank = positive attitude sandwiches for the trip = possibly see a counsellor to get you through some bumps - sometimes we need extra support make sure the car is roadworthy - you gotta protect yourself If you lose your co-driver on the trip, you still have to keep driving. You are a unique person in your own right, and you will be okay and even happy, with or without your H. Learn that you don't need him, you just want him. None of us should need people emotionally --- that gives away our power to control our own destinies (and you cannot control him, which is also why you should leave it up to him to work for the D, if he wants it that badly). But, if you love them and have done so for 22 yrs, then you certainly would want them. One can only hope to influence or inspire our loved ones, but not control them, and that works in the reverse for you too. Your H is trying to control you, and he has no right to do that.
Anyway, I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say, I hope. So, in a nutshell:
GAL Detach lovingly practice self control Be independent Positive attitude Let him do the work of D Protect yourself Know that if there is no reconciliation, you will be okay Be prepared for long, difficult process
These are just ideas I'm throwing out there, that I hope may inspire you. You know your sitch best though, so follow your gut feelings. There is no one solution for every sitch. Sometimes, nothing we do will rectify the M, then you just have to let go and walk another path, knowing you've done all you can (as Dawn says, "I had done absolutely everything I could to facilitate reconciliation, and that I had lived with integrity despite his actions."
Okay, this is long enough, I guess. I have a lot of time on my hands right now.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim