WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

I agree with everything Sandi said. Go dark! I know you are afraid to let her think you are not wanting her anymore. but BINGO!!! that is what we are ALL saying is EXACTLY what SHE needs to think. She NEEDS to think YOU have changed your mind. YOU DONT think shes the right woman for you anymore. YOU DONT want to talk to her.

PMA_Baby!

I think this had gotten debated/discussed in the past, but I believe Sandi was talking about dropping the rope (which in my mind was stopping being attached emotionally). Doesn't Dark take it to next level of no contact/mysterious? Now from what I understand, it makes it easier to go Dark once you've dropped the rope, but aren't the two different strategies/tactics?

End every conversation that turns into her pity party. Be a friend and say that your sorry to hear that but change the convo to you and the boys like most of your friends would.

That's a great suggestion, I'm going to try that next time!

You need to stop ENABLING her behavior. Keep on responding like you have in both your ACTIONS and WORDS. You respond well with the words "I already aplogized for my part now I dont want to talk about it anymore..." NOW respond with your ACTIONS. I dont feel guilty anymore so I dont need to coddle. Dont need to call and check up. Dont need to support her "physically". Show her by your ACTIONS that YOU are NOT going to let her PUNISH YOU anymore. Get that RESPECT back and you will see some changes from her. If not then there was NO HOPE anyway. At least not now. She is too caught up in the blame game to really WANT to work on things.

I think part of what's confusing her right now are all these self help books/videos that she has been reading. My cousin had said how she had read one a while back and thought it was full of crap. Where it made you look back at your life and question everything.

My wife is really into the book "The Secret" and has just started the "Science of Success". She even gave me a video this morning to watch of the book. It talks about the power to make your life so much better than it is (I think it's pitch is to unlock the hidden potential). I'm not sure if this is her way of working on herself or maybe it's her obscure way of taking responsibility for her part that brought us to this point or what.

END all PHYSICAL CONTACT!!! You are just prolonging the inevitable by ENABLING her. She CANT miss what she STILL has!!! That is what your mising. Keep on repeating this to yourself. I CANT CONVINCE HER TO COME BACK. I HAVE TO DETACH!!! I CANT CONVINCE HER TO COME BACK!!!

It's tough to end all physical contact because of our kids, but I think I understand what you mean. The hugs and touchs are not because of our kids. I think when she asked for a hug a couple of weeks ago (to crack her back), that was the first time since she moved out that she asked for a hug. That brought me back hugging/touching again.

Thanks for dropping by with your 2x4 again. I'm surprised it hasn't snapped in half from hitting my hard head so many times!