WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

I'm glad you didn't try to knock me out b/c I used the term "boring".

Sandi,

I couldn't be upset about it because in restrospec, it was boring. I see how she had been trying to tell me that and do things to make it unboring, but I didn't get it then. I get it now. I'm not beating myself up about it (at least not much) anymore, but do see how it was boring when my cousin started talking about that.

Awww.......you just took a step backward... Let me tell you why. B/c she had already let you know she was lonely/bored by her phone conversation earlier. When she sent you that picture (especially, at that time of the evening)....don't you know that that was her saying..."Hey, I'm still bored!" She threw a hook out there and you latched on. You ended up talking to her for 35 minutes and even if you didn't talk about the R, you told her that the only way that would have made the day more perfect was if she had been there. That was a huge NO-NO! Do you know why? B/c it immediately told her how you were still longing for her....and it turned her off! Next time, act as if you had so much fun that you didn't have time to think of her. Next time, do not reply to the picture she sends. No, it is not being impolite (that's an excuse that LBH's use) if you don't reply. It means you are having a life without her and you don't have time. Listen, make her lay in this bed she created! She needs to feel lonely and bored.

I see your point on this. I can see how I slipped up on this one. DOH!

I think I'm going to stop beating around the bush with people from now on and just start telling them to drop the rope right then and there b/c as time goes by, I am more and more convinced that that is the one thing (and many times, the ONLY thing) that works with WAS. If my H would have done that in the beginning, it certainly would have gotten my undivided attention and I certainly would have respected him a heck of a lot more and I would not have done what I did practically under his nose.

I've been reading Fighting Fit's thread and apparently, she was first the WAS and then later her H became the WAS. So, she has it from both sides. In her thread, I read that her H did not play any games at all and stood up to her and let her know that he would be out of her life in every way possible if she did not get her act together and stop her A. He even told her he would use a go-between person to contact her about the children and that she would not even have his phone number or address to know where he lived. She said it scared the mess out of her and she stopped the A right then. Sure, it took her time to get through the grieving process, but it would anyway. But that is the point I want LBH's to see. Stop with all this game playing and stand up and be a man and stop acting so pathetic. I have said from the beginning that she is making way too much contact with you compared to the usual WAW. I don't know why, but I think if you were to emotionally drop her, you would see a huge difference. Am I telling you that I think you sould move away? No. I am saying that you are still holding that darn rope as hard as you can and you need to lay it down....now.

I'm not beating you up, friend......I just get frustrated with you guys.

I'll talk to you later,
Sandi

OWOWOWOWOW - My head is really hurting from your club now. I know you have hit me with the drop the rope club before. I also appreciate you not getting frustrated and giving up on me.

As a DAM, I'm trying not to over think it and just do it.

It is still confusing to me how much contact that she makes. There are the normal tactical stuff, but the chit chat stuff is definitely unusual. Since I've lost my job, I hadn't had a chance to talk to my WAW friend, but she had always said that the last thing she ever wants to do is talk to her LBH and only does it when it's related to their son.

Thanks for dropping by and guiding me back on the path again