Right on Sandi and PMA!! After 2 years of bs in my sitch I finally did this over a month ago. I feel I am truly detached...rope dropped. I never thought I could get here.
In my sitch, man I don’t want high jack you, just want to give an example. Two years of pursuing and kissing A, you know what she said to me once? I was like a puppy dog that wanted affection and there are all these other puppy dogs that don’t. Because I want it she does not want to give it to me, she stopped short but you and I know that the continuation was that she wanted the other puppy dogs …. …. How f’ed up is that?
I was pouring it on because my wife had pretty much the same complaints, does not feel loved felt neglected etc…. I thought that is what she wanted …boy was I wrong.
Anyway I don’t think you are being a puppy dog conf, I think you are one notch above.
The thing is that she knows you are available to her, all she has to do is snap her fingers and you are hers … you need to change that if you want the relationship you deserve with your wife. Let her know you are unavailable. Or better yet leave it has a mystery ….your goal should be that she is not sure if she can have you back.
When I dropped the rope (finally …) over a month ago she at first did nothing. This is because I have acted like I dropped the rope before and then came whining back so it was no big deal to her.
Then I think She noticed that something was different this time. I believe she felt it, she saw it in my eyes, she saw the longing for her and the fear gone, also, most important; I believe she felt the in love feelings die and get replaced with friendship. I believe she was feeding on the in love feelings I had for her and did not want to change anything out of fear that she would loose that.
Then I noticed a “change back” I read this in a book and can’t remember the name but its when you change and your partner does something desperate to get you to change back…. She went bitter for about 10 days She poured it on, ignoring me, would not stay in the same room or talk to me she would not even look at me you know what I mean.
I would have been overly concerned before actually a little scared but now? It did not phase me … In fact I look at how she acting and a I almost laugh it really is like a childs temper tantrum.
As of now I notice changes but I am indifferent to them … its strange and hard to explain. She comes to me and engages me, sits next to me and some physical touch ….I would have been excited about this and jumped all over it before. Basically would put out the flame before it had a chance to burn…. I think my wife is at that point right now where she is not sure if she could have me or not and she testing the water.
I believe I caused this issue to prolong by my prior actions no question … just like I believe that you are prolonging or killing yours…. I know you had questions about this (dropping the rope) your wife called it rude, the simplest way I can explain it is that you treat her exactly like a friend. Compare how you talk and treat girls who are your friends and compare that to how you talk and treat your wife. Treat your wife the same way friends are not rude, they listen and are empathetic you can be those things..but they do not talk about how much they love each and mis each other and all that .you know what I mean. You just need to draw a line.
