Magnificent

[mishka422]

This is the thread that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends....yadda yadda yadda....

Good grief - 37 pages is a little extreme, isn't it?

I spent about 3 hours last night sobbing uncontrollably in my bed. NOT GOOD! My eyes are so swollen and red still that I look like I've been on a bender. Still sick to my stomach from the emotions. Good grief. Why is everything hitting me so hard all of a sudden. I thought I was doing a good job of putting on my happy face every day. Must have run out of energy to do that anymore.

As far as my family is concerned, I'm letting it go. I feel like an intruder in their lives and I have decided that the uncomfortable feeling isn't worth it for me. We've always been a very close family but as the matriarchs get ill and die we are drifting further and further apart. Everyone has too much on their plate to remain close to those outside their immediate nuclear family. I do believe that the last 18 months have driven a wedge between us that we'll never recover from. They listened to too much of my pain and it caused a chasm between us. Live and learn the hard way - do not share your pain with anyone in your RL or it will drive you apart.

I have to work this Tuesday night so I can't take Marc to karate. Normally I would ask Gabe to switch nights with me and I'd take him Wednesday, Gabe's usual night, but I'm just not feeling like contacting him at all this week. I'm afraid what kind of emotion any kind of contact with him might dredge up since I'm so raw. Marc will just have to miss a night of class this week.