Just a recap of my situatiom: I have been married for 10 years and have known her 12. I have one seven year old daughter. She was hardly ever intimate with me which led me to feeling rejected. This rejection led me to become self centered (which is not a good thing) but I was holding all of my emotions inside. We went to marriage counseling a few times but to no availfor all the negativity she complained about.. She stated That I need to see some changes in you before I go back. I am currently on anti-depressants and trying to make a life for myself. She is currently in an EA/PA which adds more fuel to the fire. I have decided to do the last of the last resort techniques which is not having any contact with her whatsoever. Any comments would be appreciated.
Did you just read my last post? Do you understand why I say you won't answer some basics?
I just asked you these questions for the 3rd time... Come on = give us the basics and stop skipping the steps and then wondering why you aren't getting anywhere.
Are my posts invisible? Seriously this is a little weird. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25years, I thought I was answering the basics. The current changes I am doing right now are: on anti-depressants,on medication for alcohol abuse,not doing much of 180's because I do not talk to her, and she wants all the negativity gone from our relationship. I am not trying to be weird I am just confused.
The current changes I am doing right now are: on anti-depressants,on medication for alcohol abuse
I would say those are "major" changes. Can you think of some other areas that need to be improved in habits or personality traits? Just b/c you do not have contact with her does not mean that you don't need to work on yourself. That is not to dismiss these two major issues you're dealing with, but a lot of times we begin to get kind of careless after we've been M a while and don't try as hard to be that great person we are capable of being. You may feel that you are dealing with all you can at the moment, but I was basing this on the way you talked in your post. She talked as if she wanted you to be through with the changes by the time she went back home, but you talk as if you are waiting "until" she comes back.
Later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She is the one who asked me to leave. She is independent, free and happy as hell. I am not having any contact with her at all. I just don't know when is the right time to give up on our marraiage after reading DB.
So --what sandi said. I mean, your w says she wants WHAT Changes in you BEFORE she comes home?
And how is not showing her these changes you MAY make, helping to get her home?
I am not clear on what behavioral things she'd notice, that you are doing to GAL or have a PMA. I KNOW you are getting help to stay on keel, but is it showing to her? Are you upbeat when you talk? Have you started to GAL? What are you waiting for? Model recovery of your sobriety AND happiness, for your d, and yourself. Be the author of "your life's novel" and take charge of your happiness. GAL. IT works.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Whoa......who said anything about giving up? You said she was in an EA and could anyone forgive an EA.....had you rather it be a PA. Would that make it easier? I don't think so. But then you said she had left to go to him and refered to it as an EA/PA. You really are confused aren't you? There is not set time limit for A's. Every stitch is different and personal. But the more you can tell us, the better we may be able to help.
Well, I have to leave right now, but I'll get back later. In the meantime, try to answer some questions that have been asked by others.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I do not want to give up on our marriage but as long as she does not contact me to talk about our relationship I feel there is no hope. I am trying to GAL but do not know where to start. I am taking a couple walks a day but need to do someone else for me. But what?
Will my wife get in touch with me after and when the EA/PA is over? Will she feel guilty about what she has done? What is the best way to handle the situaution?
