I would like to add this to what I said before. When I said what I did about being caught up in the fantasy world......even though I had decided to stay in the M, it was b/c I could not afford to support myself and that's why I did not move out. So, it was a long time before I could reach the place of deciding to let the OM go and stop the EA. Then I had to go through the grieving process and that takes a long time. Fighting Fit said it best in her thread when she said that when a WAW doesn't have "closure" to an EA and feels "forced" to end it while the OM is still seen as her knight in shining armour......she has a terrible time putting those fantasies to rest. She is correct! If the OM does something to make the WAW mad or hurt her or whatever....then that is better b/c she can get over him quicker.
You see, the difference in how men battle sexual temptation and how women handle it, is very far from each other. Women's battle is in their minds. Men's battle is more about the "physical" and they are tempted through the eyes, and replaying what they've seen. But, women fantasize and it is always beyond anything reality could offer. I fantasized about my OM, and there is no way he could have lived up to my dreams about him. That was what one woman told me as soon as I came here to the board. She was smart and she had my number!
The book, "Every Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge, was the best book I've ever read that told the truth about women and their fantasies of other men. I found it at a Christian bookstore, and it was such a relief to finally find a Christian who had the courage to step up and tell it like it is. It would help the LBH to read it so he could realize how his W has to do battle within herself. The OM is kept alive by her fantasy and that is a hard thing to kill.
Hope that helps.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
