Puppy - For some reason, my last thread is locked.
It was a rainy 4th here. But at least the sun came out for a little while. Found out my H went out with his sister and BIL Friday night. Very surprising - his BIL drives him nuts! My niece told me he was going over to their house last night for a BBQ. So I'm guessing my SIL knows what's going on. It will be interesting to see how she acts towards me next time I see her. Wish she'd knock some sense into him but I won't hold my breath on that one!
It was a rough day for me yesterday. I got sad - this is the first 4th we were not all together. Just allowed myself to cry when I needed to.
My oldest son has been very short with me on the phone (a learned behavior from his father). We had a much better conversation yesterday.
Still no contact from my H and he's not contacted my youngest son who's with me. I just don't understand how you can go without any contact with your child for several days in a row!
I'm walking over 3 miles every day, brought some weights to work out with and keep faithful taking my anxiety medicine. It's rainy today sure hope the sun comes out this afternoon!
Puppy - It caught me off guard to get so down this weekend. I think it was the overwhelming sadness of not being together on the 4th for the first time as a family. My H told me during our lasts R talk (that he initiated) that one of the reasons he's still around is that he's worried about our youngest son. He feels like he could go either way. Really?! Is that why you haven't bothered to call him or talk to him since last Wednesday or Thursday?
I feel like I need to mentally prepare for what I might face when I get home next Sunday. If he says that he doesn't want to work on things would it be appropriate to say the following (in no particular order just staring to get my thoughts together).
* Still want to come to his business and get informed about what's going on. It's not OK for me not to know and I realize that.
* If he decides to go through his laundry list of how I've wronged him: I'm not willing to rehash everything again. I've taken responsibility for my part of the problems in our marriage, I've apologized, asked God for forgiveness, and am working on the positive changes I need to make in my life. I will not take responsibility for all that is wrong in your life. I thought it was pretty telling that you said your business and marriage caused your health problems. The responsibility lies with you and the choices you made at the time - especially smoking over a pack a day.
* I will no longer enable your victim or poor me mentality. There are people in this world that have had 1000 times worse things happen to them and they make the choice to live happy lives. You have chosen to play the victim and blame everyone else instead of looking at yourself.
* If you change your mind and decide you'd like to seriously work on our marriage then I'd be open to at least talking about it. I believe with God's help and a lot of work we can repair our marriage. However, it won't be repaired if only one of us is working at it.
* I'll expect both of us to treat each other respect. Our sons are NOT to be involved in any discussion about our marriage (since he's pushing our son to spend time with him - it seems like he's trying to be his friend and guilt tripping him into spending time with his Dad. My son made the comment to me "I have my own friends!") Once you've hired a lawyer and have filed for divorce, I'll expect the courtesy of being told and not finding out by being served.
I don't know I feel like I need to figure out what's important to say and what's not. I just want to feel prepared for whatever comes my way - as much as you can prepare.
I think those are all fine. Only get into it if HE does, tho. You might want to add, re: his involving your son, that you both have to be careful not to try and use your son as a "counselor" -- that's not his job, and "we should be helping HIM cope with the family's changes, not the other way around."
I also think you should proactively say something to him about communicating with your son. In his foggy state, he may not even realize how long it's been (us DAMs can be that way sometimes even when we're NOT foggy). A simple "Do you realize it's been 'x' number of days since you called (son)? I know we're both busy, but he really needs to hear from you more often." -- or some such.
Don't worry I won't initiate any R talk. Even though it kills me and sometimes I think it would be just easier knowing one way or the other. I guess if he doesn't initiate any R talk he could be that he's assuming that I know he doesn't want to work on things or he still hasn't made up his mind (I still have a little hope).
I will be asking him though to come to his business and learn about things. Just as he said he was adamant about not going back to counseling. I'm adamant that I need to know what's going on with the business.
Good points about not using our 18-year old as counselor and I do need to talk to him about our youngest.
Looks like the sun is going to be out today. Looking forward to some pool time today! I've been working out every day this week so I sure hope I see some movement on the scale when I get back!
I will be asking him though to come to his business and learn about things. Just as he said he was adamant about not going back to counseling. I'm adamant that I need to know what's going on with the business.
Thanks. I don't know really know this person I'm living in the same house with anymore. Since he lied to me about our friend, he's really done nothing to restore my trust.
I think if he wants to bring up the phone call I made to her last Monday and wants to start accusing me of looking at the phone records again. I'm going to say look - whether you believe me or not is a mute point. I see this as a defensive strategy because you tried to tell me you accidentally called her and then she gave you up. My intentions were good when I called whether you want to believe it or not.
So without feeling like I can fully trust him and because of his "fogbabble" state I need to know what's going on with the business. How much debt am I liable for? And of course, is he hiding money anywhere?
A friend that I went to high school with is a lawyer (we both work at the same company) gave me a name of a good divorce lawyer just in case I need it. So I'll be prepared if/when it comes down to that.
I think if he wants to bring up the phone call I made to her last Monday and wants to start accusing me of looking at the phone records again. I'm going to say look - whether you believe me or not is a mute point. I see this as a defensive strategy because you tried to tell me you accidentally called her and then she gave you up. My intentions were good when I called whether you want to believe it or not.
Too wordy. Better:
"I'm sorry you feel that way. I just don't feel like I can trust you right now, and I find the need to protect myself."
