A lot of this is semantics. If I am being dishonest by not telling my H what an idiotic pr*ck I think he is being than so be it.
I would say that DBing requires mindfulness and sometimes it can FEEL dishonest because we are compelling ourselves to think and strategize rather than just react.
Quote:
I told him he didn't need to understand because I felt better about myself the way I was being about my sitch.
I like that. And, the truth is that when we are mindful and aware of the DB info, we are better able to make determinations as to what actions to take when. Eventually it feels so intuitive but in a healthier way than before all of this thought was put in. A conversation handled just right, a decision made on the spot etc.
Today, for some reason it felt right to relax, to be around H and the kids on his borrowed turf (where he is staying with people I barely know) and not judge and be personable and even though I don't want to be too available and I am really pissed these days about what this is costing me and my kids, I know that it was right. AND, he was attracted and called tonight commenting about how nice the people there thought I was and made a little small talk and then I wrapped it up and got off the phone.
My point is that withholding information and emotions is what I think we do rather than fabricate or lie (I hope)...we are attempting to be the stoic ones, the reasonable ones, the ones who are holding our families' best interests foremost, not our overwhelming insecurities and sadness...I feel kind of proud just writing about it.
