Marriage issues

[Laurie]

Jman,
It is tempting to want someone to tell you the exact thing you should do, but sgctxok understands that "only you can best work with your own marriage".

As Michele writes, she knows what to help you NOT to do (taking the pressure off by stopping the chase), but shares that there are many different things that may work for different R's. I agree - as every marriage crisis has humbled me to understand that.

I have worked with many couples over the years and I have seen the value of holding on to a civil/friendly relationship of some sort with your spouse as that helps keep the door open for coming back compared to having a disconnected or angry relationship.

Does that mean you need to be walked on? No. Having healthy boundaries ("Getting a Life"), while taking the pressure off (Stop the Chase") offers a valuable balance between keeping the doors open, but not getting walked on.


Also Jman, I think you are wise to put off any risky actions while you are with her family, as you already have sensed. And, I would encourage you to re-focus on what you want your goal to be and then decide what actions will help you get there. I know I am restating a bit of what sgctxok has said, but it is because that is some pretty solid DB guidance.