I have no idea what those last two posts mean. Is this a reference to my coaching session? If so, butt out. I use my DB coach when I really need him. I prepaid for sessions and feel entitled to use them. If you don't like it, don't read my posts.
ANYWAY.
Thanks WCW and Andy!
Sorry I haven't posted. I just needed to finish the school year and to visit my folks. My dad is doing great, and visiting old friends was awesome! WCW, I waved to you, did you see me?
Interesting developments since the last time I posted. For one thing, I found out that H gave me the wrong papers.
Let me repeat that: HE GAVE ME THE WRONG PAPERS.
I think this is the only time that I can say that MLC has helped me at all. He got an info pack off of a website, ASSumed he knew what he was doing, and filled out the papers that the judge would issue at the end of a D settlement.
In other words, no suit has been filed. This is great news because it means I am under no timeline. In this state, you have 90 days to respond or the D is granted automatically.
Also, 3 days after H bombed me, he walked in the door and acted like the convo had never happened. This shows me that he is still in MLCBS lala land and that he doesn't know what he wants.
I am proceeding as if we didn't have that convo, with a couple of exceptions. One big step I took was to open my own checking/ savings account. He wanted our money separate, and he got it. I think it will be quite a shock to him when he realizes that he has a lot less money to play with. I feel more comfortable now because I know how much is in my account and exactly how it's spent. A BIG stress relief.
Also, I asked H what his plan is for the future--I don't ususally initiate any convo about the future or his plans. He gets a D, we both have our summer, he continues to work where he works, I continue to work where I work; what does he see for us in the future?
His response: He doesn't know. We will still be friends, maybe we'll have a romantic R. We may even live together again...or maybe not. Maybe he'll keep living the way he does now. I just listened and kept it light. Obviously my idea of what D means differs greatly from his, and I will need to tell him that when necessary. For now, I'm just listening.
Other than that, I continue to GAL and to give loving kindness--Chuck advised not to rock the boat too much. He said that I stirred up something that needed to be stirred up and to continue on. He agreed that it appeared that H is coming out of MLC, so that was encouraging. Maybe this is the trip back through the MLC tunnel that I read about.
One analogy that he shared with me that I hadn't heard before really caught my attention: he said that the MLCer is like an actor in a one-person play. Everyone else in the play is static, and it is very distressing to the MLCer when another character starts acting. This thought helps me understand why H freaks out sometimes when I do stuff that he doesn't expect.
Here's something else that keeps me listening. I left on Wednesday morning. Never saw H or spoke with him. I called and left a message before I got on the plane to say goodbye. My phone was off for the flight, of course, and I didn't turn it on until about 11PM EST. He texted 3 times. The first said, "Got your message. You weren't saying goodbye to me forever were you? Hope you have a good time." Several hours later he wrote "Are you there? Did you get my text earlier today?" and then, a few hours later "You there?" So I texted back to the first message that I received all the texts, my phone was off, great flight, I was going to bed, etc. I ignored the goodbye forever thing. He texted back immediately "so you weren't saying goodbye forever amd?" And I wrote back,"No, not today.:)" And he wrote, "OK night then."
The next day he texted in the afternoon "Hope all is well amd." When I didn't reply right away, he wrote, "You're a bad texter." By then I was out with friends and had heard about Michael Jackson's death, and I texted back about that. He texted again to ask if I was OK here, and I wrote back about the heat. He called me later that night and said he wished he could come over and watch a movie or something at our house and seemed happy when I said I wished that too. he asked if it was OK for him to go to the house and watch TV while I was gone. I said sure and reminded him that my FF was taking care of the cats. After we hung up, he texted, "I am sorry I let you down amd." I wrote back "What are you talking about?" And when he didn't respond I left a message and said "It's OK. I forgive you. Let's just start fresh together."
I heard from him once more afer I texted that I was going to a crabfeast with friends (YUM!). He texted "Thinking of you." I didn't get it till late, and I waited till the next day to text back, "Good. :)"
I think he was talking about not taking care of the cats with the whole "I let you down" thing, but I'm not sure--it could be the much bigger elephant in the room. He has not referred to it at all. I LOVE that he needed to be in touch with me so much. Once I got back, it was very much the same old, same old; he likes to hang out with me when it's convenient for him and then he leaves and does whatever it is that he does. Right now it appears that he is fishing again--that's a real H thing to do, not the alien H.
So my plan for the summer:
* continue to GAL. Although I have many hobbies that I enjoy and I am perfectly comfortable with myself, I need to not be alone so much, and my goal is to be out of the house with friends at least 3 times a week. This includes hitting the gym several times a week since I'm not constrained by a work schedule.
* keep working on the house. I have PLENTY of projects to do, and plenty more that require a professional --and money. So I will do what I can and keep saving for the bigger jobs. This is so the house is more comfortable and more ready to sell sometime in the future with or without H in the picture.
OK, that's it from me because I'm done AND because I am annoyed by the fact that the screen will not stay where I am typing. Is this happening to anyone else? It is very irksome.
I just listened and kept it light. Obviously my idea of what D means differs greatly from his, and I will need to tell him that when necessary. For now, I'm just listening.
