That's Smiley's Person in a nutshell, I guess -- good as gold.
Forgive me but sorry, no way. She ripped you apart and trashed you and you're cherry picking one of the kinder WAS versions of the story. And my point is that she isn't and doesn't see you through the lens that a new woman sees you through because she wont allow herself to because she's on a road to something else in her mind and liking you, valuing you, appreciating you makes that harder.
Agreed. And, I'd like to point out, yellow gold is making a big comeback.
I guess I'm saying that I don't believe that the "new" marriage really is better than the "dead" marriage. It's just different and somewhat (a lot) degraded in the trust area. I simply do not buy into the idea that a marriage is rebuilt into something stronger than before.
If that were the case, then we should all betray our trusting spouses so we can make it all better after.
I know that I have thought a lot about what my ex would have to do to regain my trust and I can't see how he would be able to. There are some lines that can't be uncrossed.
I guess I'm saying that I don't believe that the "new" marriage really is better than the "dead" marriage. It's just different and somewhat (a lot) degraded in the trust area. I simply do not buy into the idea that a marriage is rebuilt into something stronger than before.
Happens all the time. Truly it does. And, it is one of the main principles of DB.
We can agree to disagree. When both parties do what needs to be done, it works and it works particularly because both partners are usually acutely aware of what is required to have a good marriage.
Even in my sitch, H left 6 years ago and yes he had an affair and came back. We were in therapy and for a long time we had so much gratitude for each other and the marriage. Then we got lazy about it (him first of course ;)) But, I know from experience what is possible when both partners make it the priority.
The trust was only tough if my needs weren't being met or if we were not getting along which was pretty similar to any R. And, quite frankly, having lived through it, a sexual dalliance was not my worst fear.
Again, most long term marriages deal with infidelities, separations or betrayals of some kind. The decision to reconcile and the work it requires often strengthen the M. It is all relative to the value both partners are willing to place on maintaining a better M.
@alive: "You're getting defensive." No I'm not! (he said defensively LOL!), I actually didn't understand what you meant in that paragraph. I'm still not sure I do.
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ego boosts, easy sex, gratification etc. (which I think are just fine if it works for you), have nothing to do with whether you were a good husband or delivered in your marriage.
Well yes, that's true, but I don't think I ever suggested the one had anything to do with the other. Someone came up and said, "Hey, SP, you've won the Wild Thang lottery, and you don't have to worry about getting any!"
And (he said, quoting Forrest Gump -- the movie, not the DB'er) my immediate response was, "That's good! One less thing!"
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I'm projecting more because my H seems to think "look, I'm awesome...chicks dig me."
Sinister thing, that projecting. In my case, as opposed to Monsoor Le S's, it's more like "look, it's awesome...chicks feel sorry for me."
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That's Smiley's Person in a nutshell, I guess -- good as gold.
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Forgive me but sorry, no way. She ripped you apart and trashed you and you're cherry picking one of the kinder WAS versions of the story.
Actually intended that to be sarcastic, not appreciative (of WAW's presumptive kindnesses).
@Greek:
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You have more in common with Mrs. SP now than ever before. You can relate to her in ways not possible until now.
I don't follow.
Re: @Kimmie Lee: For me the puzzler is the definition of "reconciliation" that is more by way of "settling for." You know, like Eeyore: "Well, I guess that's as good I deserve."
