@aliveandkicking wrote in response to @Sara and @Kimmie Lee: Quote: Obviously when you live with someone and are in a difficult relationship, you see your S through a different lens. I think that's exactly right. Male and female alike, I suspect it's often the case that Total Desirability and Length of Marriage are inversely related.
Herself has said on a couple occasions, "I know you'll find someone else, you're great," most recently in The Note. And she's mentioned my obvious "opportunities" and "prospects" recently. And a couple woman friends she's told have had the initial, shocked, "you let THAT go?" response. But as she likes to say, I'm a nice guy, just not her guy. So it's not a matter of leaving something valuable in the trash -- it's not wanting that valuable anymore. A couple years ago, WAW basically called "halt" on gold jewelry and switched to silver and platinum. Nothing wrong with gold, had a bunch of it -- just didn't suit her any more. Boring. Last decade.
That's Smiley's Person in a nutshell, I guess -- good as gold.
Forgive me but sorry, no way. She ripped you apart and trashed you and you're cherry picking one of the kinder WAS versions of the story. And my point is that she isn't and doesn't see you through the lens that a new woman sees you through because she wont allow herself to because she's on a road to something else in her mind and liking you, valuing you, appreciating you makes that harder.
@alive then wrote: Quote: Do you see what I'm saying? Basically, finding someone to boost your ego and make you "feel good" about yourself means nil about the circumstances or culpability in the M. IMO.
Ummm, no -- I actually don't see what you're saying.
It's true that "someone to boost your ego" means nothing about what you did in the marriage. But I'm not clear why that matters. Can't you both acknowledge what you did in the M and get your ego boosted? Or are those mutually exclusive variables -- they cancel each other out? Or is your claim that a person in a D situation is "unauthorized" to feel good about him- or herself until such time as all debts (emotional, psychic) are paid?
You're getting defensive. I was merely pointing out that ego boosts, easy sex, gratification etc. (which I think are just fine if it works for you), have nothing to do with whether you were a good husband or delivered in your marriage. And, I'm projecting more because my H seems to think "look, I'm awesome...chicks dig me." And that is just shallow silliness that means nothing about who he was with me and in the context of a marriage and real responsibilities. Even those remarking "what, she let that go?" have no frickin' clue what I lived with (nor do those remarking about you in that way). We all know you're awesome here...I am just saying that it is of little significance with regard to what went down with your W.
