Did you read up on its origin? That's the place where you have to get. SmileyPerson uses it, as well as the companion quote from "Band of Brothers" about the only way to survive is to act like you're already dead.
To use DB parlance, I think for the moment you have to "act as if" the marriage is over, but that you are simultaneously trying to turn it around. So that any progress is GRAVY on top of the seemingly inevitable situation at hand.
Does that make any sense?
You're going to drive yourself nuts if you allow yourself to swing wildly from "things are getting much better!" to "It's over now -- there's no chance!!"
