Well, she is now going to try to fasttrack this D. She is determined to get all of our finances in order so that she can work on getting out. I cannot believe this. I though that there would at least be a shot at working things out. I am losing faith fast.
I thought that I had been doing things right. I hoped her coming home to an empty house was going to open her eyes. I am shattered right now. I don't get how it can be so final in her head like that. She has everything already mapped out in her mind, how we can split everything. How can 15 years be so easily put to paper like that?
This doesn't mean you haven't been doing things right. It just means she's not there yet.
There are still a lot of things that have to play out, SO. Yes, right now she seems hell-bent. My wife seemed hell-bent just FIVE DAYS before we reconciled. Don't lose faith!!
Your best response now is "I'm really sorry you feel that way," and don't do anything to help her speed this along.
So how does one handle it when the WAW gives the LBS false hopes of reconcilation? Then turns around and pulls the rug out? I thought we were making some progress, then the next thing, it's BIG D full force. I know that I need to stand up and just set my boundaries and not help assist in seeing OM, or assist in leaving/moving out and pushing the D forward. My head is spinning today.
You need to calm down, buddy. Steady yourself. It wasn't as bad as it appeared a week ago, it wasn't as GOOD as it appeared yesterday, and it's not as horrible as it appears now.
You need to get yourself in a more even-keel place, emotionally and intellectually. One that says "My wife is intent on leaving me at the moment; I don't agree with it, and won't help it along; I still have hope in the long run for our marriage."
"You must retain faith that you can prevail to greatness in the end, while retaining the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality."
I wasn't but am now. I like that. I understand that this is the roller coaster ride, but I didn't expect it to be as brutal as it has become on me emotionally.
Did you read up on its origin? That's the place where you have to get. SmileyPerson uses it, as well as the companion quote from "Band of Brothers" about the only way to survive is to act like you're already dead.
To use DB parlance, I think for the moment you have to "act as if" the marriage is over, but that you are simultaneously trying to turn it around. So that any progress is GRAVY on top of the seemingly inevitable situation at hand.
Does that make any sense?
You're going to drive yourself nuts if you allow yourself to swing wildly from "things are getting much better!" to "It's over now -- there's no chance!!"
