When my daughter found out about her first H's A, she left him and came home. I was so hurt b/c we had taken him in our heart as if he were a son. So, I feel that your mother is not only angry at her SIL, but hurt as well. That first D for my daughter was like a death in our family. I'm glad you urged your H to try to give your mother time. I don't know what he expected from her when taking in consideration what he's done! I'm glad the conversation went well. I just hope you will not get your hopes up in seeing him "respond" tenderly to your time in the hopsital. After my daughter was an adult and still in the hospital a lot and facing tough times, I remember having a hard time staying there and wanting to take off running. Again the guilt would eat me up b/c I knew she needed me at her side for support and yet I had my own battle going on inside of me that I didn't know how to deal with. I believe men are not judged so harshly for their lack of bedside manner or staying all hours of the day & night like people expect women to do. Society just brushes it off with saying, "Well, that's how men are!"

Anyway, it doesn't make it any better for the patient who is helpless in the situation. She/he has physical problems to deal with, which of course can trigger other things.

I haven't see a lot of posts writting on this very subject of how a couple handles an ongoing health issue in a M, but I think there is certainly a need for it to be addressed. OP, A's, D/S, are all terrible things to deal with when nobody is sick, but it does add to the problems when one is ill. Your parents, of course, will always feel protective of you and it hurts when the man who promised to love in sickness and in health.....runs away.

I read a good article on how we women tend to allow hurts, resentments, bitterness, etc. stockpile in us and then we want to back the truck up and dump everything onto our H's. Man, did that describe me to a Tee! My problem was that I always kept dumping the same cr@p everytime and nothing ever was resolved! The differenced between the sexes are amazing and always will be! So, guess the reason I threw that in was to remind you to continue to move in baby-steps when you talk to him. You did a great job with what you had to present to him. I am so glad he stepped up to volunteer his help.

Later,
Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!