You guys are too funny. I know when I'll be ready to date: when I am ready to reduce my time with them...which...I am not right now. Dating means a babysitter and forfeiting time with them. Not ready for that.
Yesterday, we met for counseling for S8. Initially didn't like the woman on the phone..matronly....almost like clergy. Woman in her late 50's early 60's...dry...no humor. After a bit tho', I decided I can work with her.
STBXW did what you all would expect...she lost it a few times...accused me of things....and...I never even said anything.
1) STBXW discussed S8's issues and minimized them. When I talked about how serious they were, she attacked me in front of the C, saying that, after S8's first episode in March, I didn't tell her for 2 days. I just calmly looked at C and said, "Dr. X...that's not true and those aren't the facts".
2) When asked about who filed, STBXW went on about having wanted a separation. I explained calmly why I filed without accusing her of anything except "after 17 months of trying to save my marriage and keep my family whole, it was clear that XXX had no interest in doing so..no interest in working at it...I filed after I was counseled that the only reason to separate was if there was hope for reconciliation. There was none.". STBXW became hysterical accusing me of 'trying to take her children away from her'...got tearful..."do you know how painful that is?" I just quietly nodded 'no'. She also called me a liar in front of the C...how everything I wrote was a lie...etc.
3) C asked W if she liked her job. STBXW answered that she is a hairstylist..wants a change and is going back to school. C asked me...said I was a physician..asked type...responded surgeon and when asked the same question, I said" I love my job. I don't like what has happened to the profession over the last few years but there is nothing better than helping someone who is sick."
STBXW looked at me and raised her voice, "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD."
?????????
So...at a meeting for S8, my STBXW showed her colors. I made NO attacks on her..made NO accusations....did NOT defend myself.....
Sigh.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Kalni...I think your comments are true. I think...for legal reasons..it is best to date after the heavy duty legal stuff is done.
No matter what we do, dating...falling in love again..is a risk. But..isn't EVERYTHING a risk in life? Look at all of us here. Did we all get married intending to get divorced? Of course not.
I think what is key, tho', which many WAS's do..is to not introduce the kids to anyone prematurely. It must be so destructive if the new R breaks up early. All the kids learn is that everyone that they begin to love and trust....goes away. It's not easy, I'm sure.
To Kerry....I'm sorry if this is not working out for you but I think we know that things usually work out for the best. What's even better is to know that one has a good decision making brain now after all this.
To 25...as for this being over. I still don't know what's the poop. We have a hearing about CPS and the O of P's on the 16th (different judge)...and we have our next D court date on 8/10. Yesterday, in front of the C, STBXW said, "if we don't have a settlement by 8/10, we are going to trial."
???????????????????? My final draft of the financial appraisal of my practice is NOT EVEN DONE YET. How can we be going to trial? We haven't even come up with offer yet!!!!
Ugh.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB, I am assuming that your son was not in the C session. I am a little unclear about why you two were together. Did yu tell the C beforehand that this is a very volatile situation and that it would not solve anything for the two of you to be together rehashing it all.
Really, I think she just needs the background in order to help your son. She should be able to speak with you separately to get any answers she needs. And believe me, if she is any good, she will be able to see what is going on with your w.
This going around in circles with your w with this C is not a good thing.
FIB, why are you still so shocked about the things that your w says? She is gone, gaga, crazy, nutso.
Hey Frank, The guy I started talking to several years ago and the guy I see here must be two different persons!
You have come a long way. Not too long ago you would have "lost" it with stbx, instead you showed grace and restraint and even respect for stbx. That will win for you in the end.
Keep it going. She has LOTS more hate to sling your way. But you are up to the challenge my friend.
STBXW made a hamburger for me yesterday. Baby steps. ROFLMAO.
She is calling and disbursing information of late.
Either:
she has something big planned
she is backing down
she is cycling
an OM has distracted her
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
but did you like the burger? ANYHOW...yeah I agree with much of what is being said here too. I personally would not date with my kids' knowledge for a long time and I would hesitate good and long before introducing them to a new man. I'd have to think there was a real chance with New Guy AND then I'd have to see how New Guy meshed with kids (really just d12 now) and she'd have a veto if it seemed reasonable. If they don't mesh, see ya!
Um total bummer re: Divorce. Timeline sucks... hang in there, you are doing SO WELL...
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
