It was a very tough day with H on Friday, divorce/attorney talk. Yesterday started tense and than we started to relax around each other, I threw together a picnic, bought a couple of fireworks. And, last night we went up to the roof of our building and saw 6 different fireworks shows. It lead to us having sex and I awoke to him staring at me.
Today we watched Wimbledon Tennis together and than went for a walk. H was weepy the whole walk, I DB'd and remained up beat, talking about anything about R. When I got back I saw H had put out the divorce papers on the table. I saw them and went back to the bedroom to lay down for a quick nap before dinner. Lo and behold H came back and lay next to me. He started to touch me and asked if we could have sex again and I asked if he had divorce papers waiting for me after the fact. H said "yes" and again told me I needed to stop being in denial. That we could still care about each other and be intimate; but, his mind would not be changing. H said he did not know how to make this any easier for me and that I was selfish because I did not understand how difficult this is for him.
Wow! Again, H doesn't get it. I had told him I wanted to speak to an attorney of my own and again he puts the papers out there. By the way, his attorney he has not spoken to, the attorney has no idea he will be leaving the country, etc. Also, I am leaving for Denver on Tuesday morning, she H intends to retain an attorney while I am gone. That will make it easier because I won't be around. H claims the timing is coincidental but how can I believe him?
This is a once a year family get together with its own emotional times and now on top of this I will be wondering what is going on while I am gone.
I don't want D to happen and I know once they are gone it would be difficult to come back, at least for a very long time. So, I am struggling between DB'ing and LRT/going dark.
I want him to feel like he is leaving a wonderful friend/person behind if he goes - on the other hand I feel that way I am condoning it and playing into the delusion. But, if I make waves H will blame me and that will close the door.
I really need advice how others proceeded up and until the day their loved one walked out the door.
By the way, my H is admiring his body all the time, did anyone else experience that?
One more thing to throw in. Being H doesn't believe his mother has genuine concern over his health (physical and mental) do I ask his mother to tell him that she loves him. Would that do absolutely any good?
Thanks, Michele
M 42 H 41 Married 16 yrs. Together 20 yrs. No Kids, 1 cat Bomb drop 5/16/09 D papers in my court
