If there were no children involved, that would be one thing. But where my kids are concerned, however slight, it is my business.
I understand what you think you're trying to say, but we part company where you tend to excuse or dismiss the wayward's actions as a course to peace. I totally and utterly disagree with that sentiment, as it just hasn't proven true in my own case where my acquiescence to a selfish control-freak got me into this mess in the first place.
My problem is that I had made the mistake in expecting that the people I love would actually show some integrity by reciprocating my own good faith in them. I put my trust in them to also act faithfully, to uphold their own professed values and commitments. But to some people that is too much to expect, and to hold such views is seen as me trying to "control" them.
OT, you said the sooner I accept your view the better off I and my kids will be. To allow and to effectively bless my xW to do whatever she likes even with our kids. In my case, at the very least, it just doesn't work that way. Any move I have made in that direction has only bought us more of the same grief. Acquiescence is a fool's game -- it doesn't lead to peace but just more turmoil.
But blind belligerence is also foolhardy. I understand that. One has to pick one's battles wisely, and that is what I am trying to do.
Because of my kids, the right course is somewhere in the middle, between your laissez-faire permissiveness and the self-torturing angst of foolishly attempting to change another person's behavior, to minimize the conflict that would ensue from either extreme.
As I stated before, I have chosen to ignore what xW does ON HER OWN TIME -- I have learned the hard, painful lesson that one cannot control another person, which is a serious lesson my xW and many others have yet to learn. And yet I have to endure her sick attempts to play family with the OM using my children.
Moreover I have to weigh the subtle long-term damage to my children from having their sense of right and wrong corrupted versus the damage from their parents at war with each other. I have to hew a course that minimizes the impact on my S's, which puts me somewhere between Scylla and Charybdis.
Nobody said this would be easy. And I don't expect it to be. But I can't bury my head in the sand either. That might mean that I have to bite my tongue when the Emperor (Empress) comes sashaying through the crowds in their new "clothing". Or it might not, depending on the circumstances. But I won't ever be a part of the chorus singing the praises to the tailor's handiwork.
So, do I talk to my lawyer about this particular instance? Maybe not yet. But I will catalog this for future use, if (when) it should prove necessary.
