I think I'm going to tell her Monday, that I'm not going to pay for her phone so that she can text ? non stop. She has a job she can pay it herself. I'm paying all of the other bills without any help from her.
I think I'm going to have to wait for her to crash and burn with all the bullcrap she is doing. I will keep trying as long as I'm able.
I'm really struggling with the lack of intimacy in my life. Lack of, I mean no intimacy.
I'm longing for female companionship. I have a strong sex drive, and this no sex bullcrap is exactly bullcrap.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
DO NOT PAY HER CELLPHONE BILL! It is inabling. If she wants to step out on her marriage, let her pay for it. I'm all for confronting if you have proof. Just letting stuff simmer does no good. I hope gucci, puppy, smiley,and coach come along to your threads. You guys seriously need a swift kick in your I'm going to take care of me and man up self!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
goingtofixme, Kick away, I'm here for advice from people that have gone through this. This is still very new to me, and I know I'm going to make mistakes.
I have been reading DR and trying to do the best I can. I'm sure there is room for improvement. I'm a big boy and can handle the 2x4's.
Once the kids leave I'm going to let her know I wont pay for her cell phone. She can ask her new friend to help her (I'm not going to say that part) pay the bill. The only problem is my kids are on the same plan with her, it's lumped into one bill.
I'm getting the impression from some of you that I'm being too nice to W. I have been the controlling husband in my W's eyes for our whole marriage. I'm trying to do a 180 from my old behaviors. I had no patience with my W, and if she did something I didn't agree with she knew about it. I sweated the small stuff our whole marriage.
My kids are fully aware that we are going through a rough patch in our marriage. They will be leaving tomorrow, and then I will make my stand when it comes to her cell phone. Just not sure I'm going to let her know that I know who and how much she has been texting this scum bag.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
I'm getting the impression from some of you that I'm being too nice to W. I have been the controlling husband in my W's eyes for our whole marriage. I'm trying to do a 180 from my old behaviors. I had no patience with my W, and if she did something I didn't agree with she knew about it. I sweated the small stuff our whole marriage.
Then just sweat the big stuff now. The cellphone is big stuff. So are a few other things. On the day-to-day civilities, yeah -- be nice. Just don't be a doormat.
This isn't about controlling her at all. You are setting a boundary for you that is healthy. You aren't telling her that she can't have a cellphone. You are telling her that you won't be paying for a cellphone to enable her to continue her affair as that isn't something you are comfortable with. I would look into changing plans and putting your children on your plan or paying the portion of the bill that is your children and telling her to come up with the rest. Standing up for yourself when it is necessary even when it makes someone else mad has to be done. Holding in repressed anger and resentment will get you nowhere. If you pay that bill you will end up angry at her and angry at yourself for letting her have control of your emotions.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
That stupid b$#$h took my D over to her lesbian friends house and wont answer her phone. If she thinks she's going to go play house with my D she has another thing coming. I'm so mad i can't think straight. I text her to let her know how disrespectful she is and that if she cheats on me that's one thin, but to involve my D I wont tolerate it. I text her a second time letting her know how pissed I was for taking D over to her girlfriends house.
Help I need some advice on how to handle this situation. Before I do something stupid.
I even called this other girls phone # and she wont answer either. If she did I would have went off.
The gloves are off. No more being nice I'm done with that crap.
Last edited by whereami; 07/05/0911:21 PM.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
I do agree with the others, no more on the cell bill, AND any other bills that should be her's.
You need to document what all happened as far as this incident goes. Write it down while everything is fresh.
You also need to flat out be strong with her on this. "W you taking our D over there is totally unacceptable." "I will not put up with it." You MUST stick to whatever boundary you lay down.
Use that anger you have as a shield, don't go on the offense with it, but do use it to toughen up, harden your heart a bit, and tell her flat out that you will not tolerate this. There needs to be consequences to follow. Start planning what you will do IF she crosses your boundary.
There is a balance to this, some of the little things you let slide and live to fight another day, however this isn't one of those. You need to stand firm on this.
Don't lose your cool, however be very very firm and as a matter of fact.
