Magnificent

[mishka422]

You're right...sentimental. It made me laugh at the time, but now it just makes me sad. Total PMS right now so crying at the drop of a hat anyway. What is, is, right? No point in dwelling on all that is lost.

Julia - a 4th of July party in England?????? WTH???? Aren't you all still ticked over the upstart colonials kicking your butts? American friends over there throwing a party?

Personally, I didn't get to have a 4th of July fun day like I usually do. I had to work last night from 5-11p so that meant no beer, no fireworks....bummer. I bought some fireworks at work before I left and Marc and I shot them off in the middle of our street last night when I got home while blasting the Beastie Boys "You gotta fight for your right" at the top volume and me drinking my one beer I had in the fridge.

Like I said, my emotions are on a major rollercoaster right now but I don't think this feeling is coming from that. I feel I've managed to run my own family out of my life. Not one member of my family contacted me about 4th of July plans, no one calls me....ever....I'm the one that always calls and it seems like I'm being an intrusive bother to them when I do. I only call to ask what they've been up to, what's been going on with the other members of the family, etc.. I make sure to not mention anything about my life, such as it is, because it's totally boring anyway. I don't like to talk about it since it's nothing but bad news. So why should they be avoiding me? I don't get it! I'm not Debbie Downer anymore, I don't ask for sympathy or a shoulder, I don't ask for anything from them other than contact but they don't seem to want that. Why? What have I done? Do you think that the past 18 months of misery has finally driven them so insane that they can't stand the thought of hearing from me? It's probably been more than 6 months since I last cried on my cousin's shoulder. She has so many things going on in her immediate family that I wish I could help her with but have no answers for. I try to be an open shoulder for her, but she doesn't want it apparently. She's the closest thing I have to a sister but she seems to dislike me immensely now. What should I do? Just let the R go? Be aquaintances and let all the years of closeness die? I'm just confused by this.

OK....enough. That's my current dilemma. Sorry to dump. Again....just very emotional right now.