Finally trying to move on without H

[Orich]

Hang in there, beepee. It's hard, but I have very similar feelings. My W goes ot 3 nights a week leaving me with the kids. She'll say for me to go out and do things too, half heartedly. She is just trying to get rid of some guilt. But as long as she is out there having a good time, that's all that matters to her. I've wanted to throw in the towel an a few occassioms, bit until it's over, it isn't over.
I'm with you, beepee, side by side. You, me, and many others here are going through the same thing.
My prayers are with you.

[hopeful_cb]

Lots of us have been there. I know its hard, and no its not fair.

I acknowledged my faults and part in the problems in the M with no comment for a long time. One day much later my H said to me he didn't get what I was saying when I did that and didnt appreciate it then but looking back he appreciates me having said that and that it meant something. (not that it changed anything)

I also thought for months that H was out having the time of his life while I was here sad(ok more like devastated) and 'trying'. Well it turns out he wasnt always having the time of his life, he was avoiding real life by drinking, going out and being 'too busy' to think about it and in reality he spent many a nights on his own upset as well. You cant believe what he says right now.

You have to look out for you, and do what you can for you. Give yourself some time to be upset, vent, get angry. Set some goals for tomorrow that involve things you can do and work on getting thru another day. I found the one day at a time approach helped me a lot. Hang in there.

[aliveandkicking]

Orich, imagine if you were 25 with no kids...would you waste your time on this cr*p???


Seriously, Beepee. It sucks, but you have such an advantage AND, you are clinically depressed which infers a great likelihood that you attracted an unhealthy mate. I am not saying there is no hope for your M. I am saying that you have the benefit of youth and not having kids so you can really detach, work on yourself and create a new life for yourself with or without H.

As soon as you are ready, your life is waiting for you.

[beepee]

you guys are so amazing. i was outside chainsmoking to try and take the pain away and my brother was downstairs and NOT helping at all. i was crying my eyes out and not one hug from anyone downstairs. i hate the living situation im in and i hate that i have family who can't understand my pain and heartache and can't at least give me a hug. i feel so alone when im in a patio filled with people and im crying my eyes out and everyone turns a blind eye and doesnt even want to acknowledge that im crying and just give me a dam hug. it hurts so bad so i just came up here to check to see if anyone responded and you guys just took away all my anxiety and frustration. thank you soo much for that.

in the little time i was downstairs crying and chainsmoking and thinking, ive gone from being sad to angry. i am now angry at my H, before i was sad and sooo not angry at him but my sadness has turned into rage. rage for what he has done to me and what he's putting me thru.

Kimmie Lee: you are completely right about not being able to trust someone who would walk out on you. i didnt think about it, i just wanted him back and when you just said that, that really hit home for me. all the while i was beggin for him back, i didnt look to thing that he had done to me that was far beyond uncalled for. yes, he walked out on me, and that was a cowardly move (allllll my therapists and doctors and friends, basically everyone i know have all said the same thing, it was cowardly) and i no longer want to waste my energy, time and life on a man who does not want me anyway.

i think im really beginning to detach slowly now. i didnt send the email i wrote.i deleted it. that was a huge step for me and ive never written an email to him and not sent it. so im proud of myself and i owe it all to your advice and support. he didnt send an ILY email today like he usually does and thats because i told him not to anymore but he still hasnt responded to my request for closure. and you know what, i dont care (i care a little) but i know in my heart, that he probably wont reply and he probably doesnt care much about how im feeling anyway to respond.

its time for me to really move on and detach now. my emotions were all over the place today and im sick of it. im tired of being the only one trying to work our M out. no more contact. no more emails. nothing. who knows what will happen in the future but as of right now, the only contact we'll make is when the divorce is filed. im done being jerked around.

im young, im 25, and i have no kids, thank you guys for reminding me especially since i feel like im 80 years old with no hope. i dont know why im doing this to myself. ive got a great education and graduated top of the class, ive been around the world, im pretty no matter what my critical mom tells me, (i could lose quite a few pounds tho since i actually gained 100lbs ever since i got married to this man), and i love myself enough to let go of anything that will prevent me from being happy.

i know im rambling..instead of my usually self pity posts, im going thru my first angry post and trying to big myself up to make myself feel better!! please dont think im arrogant!! im just trying to make myself feel better!!

[Kimmie Lee]

(((HUGS)))

I feel bad that your family can't show support or affection right now. But we here @ DB will.

Also, you probably already know that you were dealing with stress by eating. I do the same thing. Now, when I feel it coming on, I put some music on and dance all by myself. In the living room. Barefoot.

[beepee]

thanks so much Kimmie Lee, you guys have definitely done so much for me already!!

[orangedog]

Don't burn energy being thinking about him. Just take care of yourself right now. You can do it.

[hopeful_cb]

now, when I feel it coming on, I put some music on and dance all by myself. In the living room. Barefoot.

I have done nothing(almost) but eat this week, I am so going to try your dancing barefoot in the living room remedy. lol hope my downstairs neighbor doesnt mind

I'm sorry your family isnt there for you. Maybe they dont know how to be right now. Sometimes people ask me if I want a hug when Im upset but I usually say no, for me it just makes me more upset. depends on the sitch, everyone handles things different.

Dont worry you can post whatever you want, its your thread! you dont sound arrogant. I often use my posts as 'positive self talk' or talking myself into further believing what I am working on, especially when it comes to changing my thinking.

thank you guys for reminding me especially since i feel like im 80 years old with no hope.

I love that I'm not the only one that feels like this sometimes! Where I come from people get married young and have families(nothing wrong with that!) but makes me feel like an odd ball when I talk to people from back there bc of my sitch and I'm sure they all feel so sorry for me bc I'm *gasp* 27 with no kids. I stayed out over night on a work night the other week, I felt like I was breaking all the rules! Made me think geez really gotta start living more. And slowly I am.

ive been around the world

Really? How exciting, I want to do that!

[beepee]

yes!! music is great for making me feel better, but right now i listen to music that reminds me of him and i know i shouldnt so im going to stop that now!! i did find myself dancing to music a week ago and it felt great! not to think about anything but just hear the beautiful sound of music and moving your body!

thanks about my family..i know they try but its really hard cause im sooo different than they are. im more emotional and affectionate and they arent that type of people so i understand but sometimes it just hurts not to have that kind of support that i desperately need.

god i cant remember the last time i went out at night except to see a movie for the last time with the H. im hoping to start being social again soon, when i move into the city. start going out and having fun like i used to!

oh and not only have i traveled a lot, i have lived in paris and dublin!!! paris was amaaaazing!! i miss it so much!

[hopeful_cb]

Why wait til you move to the city to get busy?! I thought that for a long time, 'I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, there is nothing to do here' but slowly started finding things to do, maybe not the most exciting, living on the edge kind of stuff but entertaining and fun.

oh and not only have i traveled a lot, i have lived in paris and dublin!!! paris was amaaaazing!! i miss it so much!

I've lived in Dublin for a year as well