Finally trying to move on without H

[Gardener]

wish me luck moving..its going to be extremely emotional for me. i will most likely break down when i get there but ill get thru it.

Good luck. You can do it!

[beepee]

Hi Gardener:

Thanks for that, i will definitely check it out!
and i wont sue you, do you really think i want more on my plate??? :P

have fun wherever you're going, im glad we're both getting out of the house today, well me mostly cause im sure youre out soooo much more than me!!

[beepee]

OMG I'M SO #)#&%*&$(%*& P*SSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!

so i just got back from moving some stuff out of my studio which was a horribly emotional thing for me to do and i broke down once i got into the studio.
and so i check my email and i get an email from a model who used to work for me and she tells me that my ex H spoke to her brother on facebook and the brother asks my ex H what happened to our business and my ex H told him that IIIII wasnt doing it anymore. WHAT THE F! its not that I wasnt doing it anymore, its because he EFFIN walked out on me and on the business!! why doesnt he GROW UP! why doesnt he man up to what he did which was walk out on me. why couldnt he have just said that! i know why, because what he did to me in the way that he did it was soooo wrong and he knows it and im sooooo close to emailing him and telling him off. i am sooo angry right now. i already wrote the email. im just waiting to send it to him. i dont know what to do, im so angry and in need of so much support right now. ARGH!!!!

[givingitmyall]

beepee

Don't do anything in anger. I would wait until you have calmed down, when you can review it in a less emotional state.

I don't blame you for being angry. Just dont act out of anger.

[beepee]

i dont know, i feel like even if i wait til i calm down, ill still want to say everything i said in that email..

[aliveandkicking]

I wish you could take my word for it that this is going to go on and on until you detach.

He is going to say things you don't like, behave in manners you don't approve of, do basically what he wants and you have no control over it.

Every time I thought I had said everything, a new thing would pop up...you will always have a new thought, revelation, judgement, feeling etc. and if you indulge every time, well your whole life will be consumed.

I know it is early on. I suggest writing down every time you want to send him a letter or communicate and then save it or throw it away. I have written sooo many and it is never the last last one. It just takes time to work through the feelings but it is no longer about him. As a matter of fact, you are just avoiding dealing with your own sh*t by focusing on him.

Trust me, I have two kids and my ex is out of control and I'm sad, angry, terrified of having to do-parent AND I still love him. BUT, at the end of the day, I can only take care of me. Months of trying to show him, tell him, get him to understand have gotten me nothing but heartache.

Focus on you. Try to have the feelings and recognize them and still move forward.

[hopeful_cb]

Hi beepee,

I wouldnt do anything right now. When someone starts a post with all caps and I'M SO #)#&%*&$(%*& P*SSED OFF!!!! I would recommend do nothing(right now). you may not be thinking all too clearly thru the anger Your p*ssed off and have a right to be I totally agree but for me I would leave it over night and see if I still feel the same in the morning. Especially since my moods may swing a lot with what is happening! Even if you decide to sent an email about it later, you may be able to reword it to have a better effect or something. Find some way to vent and get the anger out. Im no expert by far but just my 2 cents.

I agree with A&K, that is some good advice there. Dont forget to keep the focus on you.

[beepee]

this is all just so unfair, its so extremely unfair.
i just dont understand how he can do this. i dont
ive been so nice to him, i havent said anythin hurtful to him ever since this happened, i acknowledged my faults and everything. its so unfair to be treated this way. i cant stop crying while hes out having the time of his life, while i try to make us work. i just want to give this up altogether. whats the point anyway, hes already finished with me.

[aliveandkicking]

You don't know what will happen. Everyone here is in the same boat. We know how it feels. We also know that trying to figure the WAS out gets you no where.

You know that your depression needs to be worked on, you know the things in your life you need to improve. He is NOT going to help you through it or do the "right" thing.

You have to do it.

[Kimmie Lee]

What they said ^

Plus, please brace yourself for other revelations. The fact of the matter is that you simply cannot trust someone who would walk out on you. You just can't.

The rules are changed forever once that happens.