Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

Hey Sandi, great to hear back from you, hope you had a good 4th of July. Our family had a pretty nice time ourselves. Not too many distractions, except once, while we all waited in the car for 15 minutes for my W to get off the damn phone with OM. I'm pretty sure she was texting him back and forth throughout the evening as well but I didn't pay attention, just had fun with the kids.

Anyways, I wanted to follow up with you a little bit regarding my first question in my prior post:

What other things brought about a desire in you to stop your EA? Was there a particular pivotal moment that sparked your interest in wanting to stop the EA?

You mentioned getting good feedback on the boards here and also reading the E-books that gave you information which started you down the road of letting the OM go. But before all of that happened, something- or maybe several "somethings"- occurred which piqued your curiosity that led you to do these things. I'm very interested in knowing what that trigger (or combination of triggers) was/were. Was it something someone said to you (for example, either OM or H)? Something you read? Something that happened? Were these triggers direct, indirect or both? Subtle or not so subtle?

When I came on the board here, I was fortunate enough that the "right people" came to my thread and I mean they were hitting me with 2x4's like you wouldn't believe. However, they threw enough true concern in their posts that I could handle what that tough love.

I agree, the people on the boards here are terrific! But why do you think that the people here were more effective in reaching you than your own friends/family? What is maddening about my sitch is that EVERYONE is telling my W to give me a chance and to work on her M! From what I am gathering, the majority of friends/family members are also telling her she is making a BIG mistake continuing this EA and risking her M to me. Even my W admits that NO ONE in our life wants us to D. Our issues, while important, are just not enough to justify D... AT ALL. Yet, she cannot let OM go and just keeps saying our M "is over".

However, with all of that going through my mind.....it still took time for me to "finally" let go of OM for good. The "process" of ending it is more than just saying good-bye or deleting his email, etc. It is what the WAW has to do within her own mind/soul. That, in my case, was not a "particular pivotal moment". It seems as if it should be, doesn't it? But, all this information and daily stuff has to continue to "build" inside of the WAW and finally I began to accept the decision I knew I had to make. Then.....the painful follow-through with that big decision. So again....I hate to tell you that it is that old four letter word you despise.....TIME.

Wow... taking those steps yourself to "detoxify" sounds like WORK which could be a major problem for my W should she chose to eventually take the same steps. My W does not like hard work, she is a path of least resistance person by nature. BTW, I'm assuming that the longer the EA goes on the longer it will take for my W to recover if she chooses to do so. How long did your EA go for relative to your recovery?


As always, thanks Sandi.

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